My mentor told me never give unsolicited advice, nor try to help anyone unless they ask you for it. I always thought that maybe he was just cold. As I got older, I have started to realize that he was right. Society always emphasizes on the need to help people. I do it a lot too. I love doing it. Random acts of kindness can certainly change a person’s life in many instances. However, there is a flip side to every coin. Some people just don’t deserve your precious time, energy and heart. Here are three situations when you should STOP.
1. Your time is not FREE. �
If they don’t think your time is worth any value, then you shouldn’t have time for them! I have so many start-up founders often ask to pick my brain. I realize how difficult it is to run a start-up, I run many companies myself and have been thru that stage. Quite a lot of times people would invite me out for coffee just to “pick my brain.” They don’t realize that in order to make time for coffee or dinner I would have to compensate for that lost time and stay up until 2 in the morning just to work. So if you don’t have true free time to offer and you are busy with your own priorities (family and work), then really, you shouldn’t be helping others. You won’t be able to commit 100% to them and you create another problem for yourself that wasn’t there in the first place.
2. The easiest way to turn your friend into an enemy is offering them advice they don’t really want to hear.
When I offer someone my help, I actually want to help sincerely. But not everyone is truly “ready” to accept help, even though on the surface level, they are seemingly asking for it. Change takes time. And most people don’t want to “change” in the first place.
You shouldn’t offer advice when people are not prepared to receive it sincerely. If they already have a list of preconceived excuses why they can’t change or won’t change or won’t be able to change and still ask for your opinion - this is a sure sign they only want to hear what they want to hear. Why bother? You will loose a friend just by trying to help.
I stopped helping people who are not ready for my help. Less drama, more time for my family.
3. Stop Helping People If They Can’t Put 100% Into It
This is the most critical one. Offering someone help when they are not ready to take action is a big disaster. I have done this so many times, and until now I still find that they come back to the same unresolved problems. Commitment takes courage and sacrifice. If they are unwilling to commit or they don’t understand the true “value” of sacrifice - change cannot and will NOT take place. Why should you waste your precious time then?
