關於 i still hear your voice when you sleep next to me ，我們在網路上蒐集到這些相關的討論、資訊與評價

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ผมไม่ค่อยมีรูปถ่ายกับแม่ รูปนี้ถ่ายเมื่อสองเดือนก่อนในวันที่รู้สึกว่าตัวเองผิวเนียน เพราะไปถ่ายรายการแล้วเขาแต่งหน้าทาแป้งให้ นั่งลงข้างแม่ก็เลยสะกิดว่า-มาถ่ายรูปกัน เราไม่ค่อยมีรูปถ่ายแบบตั้งอกตั้งใจด้วยกันสักเท่าไร แม่เป็นคนไม่ชอบถูกถ่ายรูป และผมอาจติดนิสัยนั้นมาด้วย บ้านเราจึงเป็นบ้านที่มีรูปของพวกเราน้อยเหลือเกิน แต่นั่นไม่ได้หมายความว่าความทรงจำที่มีต่อกันจะน้อยตามจำนวนรูป

ทุกวันแม่ เมื่อได้นั่งดูภาพแม่ๆ ของเพื่อนพ้องน้องพี่ ผมมักรู้สึกเสมอว่า ทำไมแม่ของคนอื่นเขาเยาว์ว...
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I don't have a lot of photos with my mom. This photo was taken two months ago. On the day that I felt like I had smooth skin because I went to take a show. He made up and put powder to sit down next to my mom. So mom poke me - let's take a No matter how much you don't like to be photographed and I may be addicted to that habit. So our house is a few pictures, but that doesn't mean the memories are less as many photos.

Every day, mother, when I sit and see the photos of mother of friends and sisters. I always feel why other people's mother is so young. My mother used to be young. But after many times of disease comes to say hi to many times and many diseases, mother is like being hit. Sucking my life energy but mother's eyes are always bright when listening to me tell you about this story.

Yes, I am a little jealous of my friends. In the corner that they and mom may have a long time left in this world. This is not the cuddle auspicious story when I tell new technology to dad and mom. I told you that in ten years - twenty years, the world will change like this. Dad and mom will say that time, dad will be in another star.

We are old enough to accept and know the fact that humans have limited time. Love and relationships are limited.

Even I don't think that's a concern between us. As long as breakfast, we still drink coffee, crackers, and talk to each other.

We can't stop flowers from wither, but when we spend time with flowers, the age of flowers looks longer -- yes, quality time

...

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I need to ask mom to talk more often because my mom asked me to talk less. Your age has arrived at the age where the brain is getting tired. Some doctors may call it dementia. The way is to encourage your brain to work. Review memories both old and new. Put new stories for your brain to think, analyze, digest.

Sometimes I accidentally think that I want my mom to give birth to me when she was younger, but I think it's good because I like how my mother raised me at the age. If you were younger, I was raising me, I might be a boy. Another personality can be.

There are many details of mom's change that all of us in the house need to learn, adapt and understand. But I won't tell you about this in public. You will be shy

Compared to mothers at a younger age, we may see that these things are ' not normal ' but I think it is normal for a human being who brings his body, brain and heart to near eighty years old. It's normal -- that people around you must be. Adapt, not take him earlier as 'normal' and want him to be like that. No change.

Mom walks slower, think slower, talk less. The jealous thing is that mom sleeps more often. Sleep most often in the house. If there is an Olympic Match, you should get a medal because even if she is lifting a cup of coffee cup of coffee, mom can sleep.

I often tease my mom by snap my fingers or call mom's name and say " are you sleeping like a teacher calls a student behind the room. Mother will cringe and make a shy face - no, just close my eyes for a second.

...

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When everyone adjusts open arms to receive ' new mother ' at this age, we all found our own ' new identity ' as well. Dad became a calmer. My sister became a caretaker of everything. I became the one. Keep stimulating my mother's brain and body. I touch my mother's body more. Squeeze massage the confusing hands to relax. Hug Mom every morning and every morning before leaving home and never abandon what we have done regularly since we were young is kiss each other. Every time before disband to do each person's duty, morning and night, I know that this is how to refuel mom back to have a full tank of oil again. and no matter how old you are, your cheeks are soft, never change.

Now mother is like a tree that everyone in the house cherish. The more fragile the more fragile the heart of the house is slowly getting softer and softer.

Like Mom teaching us the last lesson by new way, not teaching with words like you did, but teaching by using mother as a teaching media.

This lesson, mother teaches us to have a gentle heart, reduce self centered on judging others. Have an open mind, understand, take care of self-love and in others the best.

Mom taught me that humans are fragile and need a gentle touch, not only to touch the body if it includes touching the heart.

Yes, mom makes our hearts more soft through the changes in this age of my own age.

...

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Yesterday our family went to lunch together like every day. Mom like we do often. But before mom took me and my sister to eat. Now my sister and my sister took mom to eat.

While driving home, my mom told me, " it rains often. Don't drive fast this is what mom reminds me about when I sit on the car until one day mom didn't get in the car and it rains. I might hear it. Mother's voice floats in the head

There are many things that mother taught me who to go to pick up something on his hand. or if you work with someone, don't think about anything fussy. Don't think about him. Think about what you can give him and more. Mom said the same sentence between us drinking coffee for over twenty years. If Milo Ovaltine in childhood, it's over thirty years. These things always come up in some times.

Yesterday my mom told me that mom saw Emma coming to " Emma's house. It's mom. I asked her how is Emma. She said she looks fine. I asked. Did you talk about anything? Mom said she didn't talk about anything but I'm glad that Emma is fine.

...

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Yesterday, when I walked out of the restaurant while I was leash my mom, I suddenly lost it. I was shocked. I tried to grab my mom's arm. Luckily it didn't hit anything serious. We all held mom up. Mom said she said she would like to sit down for a while. Not long I can stand up.

I may be shocked to think that the mother who used to walk eloquent. Why did you fall so easily? I asked mom if she was shocked. Mom said she was not shocked. She fell like this often and I was surprised by the answer. Of course I was worried and funny. One thing I know. It's always good. When mother has a problem. Mom always says that she's okay because she doesn't want kids or dad to worry.

Mother is the last one who thinks of herself

When I ask mom what mother's day I want to eat, the answer is - ehhh what do you want to eat?

When I held my mom up after falling, I thought about my childhood picture. When my mom was leashed me and I stumbled. Mom was the one who pulled my arm up and made a Chinese spell "hapo" which would translate Thai "Oh, it doesn't hurt baby" the picture is so similar. We just switched roles and it's a little different that when I was young, I fell down, but my mother had no tears.

...

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I wrote to my mom with regards. Sounds funny what I miss. I just went to eat together and I'm actually about to have coffee with my mom after writing this journal.

But I really "miss" my mom.

It must be difficult to explain what missing means. I miss you. When you were stronger. I miss you when you went anywhere with nothing to worry about. I miss you when you were talking to me. I miss you. I miss you. When Mom was more fierce and looked at me in things and... I miss you now when I thought you wouldn't have coffee with me like we did all our life.

Someone told me that my parents never left us. They are in us. I may meet mom some rainy days. I may see mom some morning that I pick up crackers out of the can because I ate this snack with Milo Ovaltine since I was a little kid. This is the one who broke this crispy snack into a cup. When it was soft, it was soft, it was delicious. I might meet my mom while working with someone and got my problem. I may meet mom on a bad day with life, which my mother always tells me, " it's like this. If you don't do anything, there is no problem. If you do, you do, there will be

And I may meet my mom on the day when I feel weak, not confident in myself. Mom may stand and smile somewhere and tell me "ehhh can do it"

That's it. It's missing something like this.

Luckily mom is still sitting there at the same coffee table today.

And this morning I still have a chance to have coffee with mom

I still kiss my mother's cheeks and I still get her cheeks.Translated

【玳瑚師父客人見證】 《不過八月十五的預言》
The Prophecy: Not Beyond Mid-Autumn (English version below)

文 / 李季謙 女士 Written by Ms. Lee Ji Qian

撥電給玳瑚師父的那一天下午，我乘坐的德士，正駕駛在中央快速公路上。那是2006年中秋節的前兩個星期，記憶猶新。眼看我外婆的病情每況愈下，我迫切地想知道外婆還能活多久。那時的我從事空服員的工作，我擔心萬一外婆過世，我在國外無法第一時間趕回來看她最後一面，怎麽辦?

在車上，我不斷祈求玳瑚師父告訴我外婆的壽命還有多久。他不肯，他說做師父的其中一個避忌就是不算壽命，因爲很多人嘴巴說無所謂，知道答案後，心裡卻會七上八下，家人甚至會責怪師父嚇人。那時，外婆已皈依在蓮生活佛門下，我告訴師父家裡只有我和外婆是皈依的佛教徒，我很希望外婆過世時，我能夠為她做臨終關懷八小時，引導她往投極樂。

在電話的另一端，師父沉默許久，一句話也不說。我想慘了，如果師父不肯告訴我，我該如何是好？如何向公司請假？

「不過八月十五。」

什麽，師父，你說什麽？中秋節八月十五？師父，我都還沒告訴你外婆的生辰，你只知道她的名字和生肖，就能斷定嗎？

師父重覆說了一遍，並溫馨地告訴我到時遇到任何問題時，儘管撥電給他。就這樣，我們的通話結束了。

農曆八月十四的早上，在中央醫院復診時，醫生說外婆的血壓忽然降低，需要入院輸血。我便為外婆辦理入院手續，和照料外婆的女傭一直陪伴在外婆左右。幾個星期來，飛行穿梭與五大洲之間，熬夜時差，加上多次帶外婆來往醫院，每一次都花好幾個鐘頭在醫院等待，身心已疲憊不堪。我看著在病床上的外婆，輸血後她氣色開始好轉，醫生說一切穩定。外婆知道我很累，屢勸我回家休息。但師父的預言一直懸挂在我心中，本想留下來陪外婆一晚，但那天的入院來的突然，我沒準備任何衣物。那時的我住在兀蘭，離新加坡中央醫院很遠。我先生在一旁也勸我回家好好休息，才有更好的精神繼續和外婆說佛法及一同唸佛。

我猶豫著。師父為我做的預言從來沒有錯過。但外婆氣色之佳，是近幾個月從未曾有的。我這幾個月，也一直都有修法回向給外婆，可能奇跡出現了吧！

于是，農曆八月十五的淩晨一點二十分左右，我回家了。

早上十點二十分，女傭打了通電話給我。她不大會說英文，只是很情急地說外婆想見我，要我快點來醫院。我天真地以爲是外婆睡醒後，想見我。

早上十點四十五分，表姐打電話給我，哭著說外婆已過世了。那時的我，腦海裡立刻浮現師父所說的「不過八月十五。」 連半天都過不了。我的心一直往下沉。爲什麽我問了師父卻又不淨信他的話？爲什麽我沒有把師父的預言告訴我的家人？爲什麽我就不能在醫院熬多一天？生死皆天定，我怎麽不自量力地以爲自己那點修法回響就能改寫外婆的生死呢？原來人說死前的迴光返照是這麽一回事！天啊！我竟然那麽不孝，讓外婆過世時，身邊只有一個女傭，一個親人都沒有！

在醫院撥打電話給師父時，他很快就接聽了。第一句話一說完，我已泣不成聲了。師父說他一早起床，就不斷地有我外婆和我的影子，他知道事情不出他預料中，因此一直在等待我的電話。師父不但沒有怪我不夠相信他，還提醒我要為外婆做的佛事，也開導我說八月十五是月圓圓滿之日，外婆在這日離去也象徵她的一生已圓滿，她十多年的病業終于還清了，從病苦中解脫了，我應該為她高興。師父知道我性格衝動，再三叮嚀我在外婆停柩期間，勿和家人起衝突。

這也是我第二件遺憾的事。我那時學佛尚淺，包容、平等對待和處事圓融的道理，我無法實踐。我不但在外婆的遺體前爲了她的生後事，向家人耍狠，在喪禮上，因爲不苟同他們的做法，脾氣更是一「發」不可收拾。說什麽佛教徒，真是貽笑大方！我怎麽就沒有好好學師父那般的度量呢？

外婆過世後的那七天裡，家人陸續都夢到她回來和他們敍舊。唯獨我沒有。我很納悶。外婆臨終前，唯一想見的人是我，爲何卻沒托夢給我？她不是有話跟我說嗎？（其實是我多想在外婆面前跟她說萬萬個對不起。）想著，想著，我想到師父常教我在睡前的結界法，保護自己在睡夢中不被鬼魅魍魎干擾盜氣，出國在外也能平安。我睡前也必定會結界，這法非常實用也有真實的法力！

那晚，在紐約的酒店裡，我冒了一個險，沒行結界法。當晚，我就夢到自己在兒時住家附近（也是外婆的舊家）的停車場。我不知不覺走到一輛米色的「馬賽地」旁邊，低頭一看，咦，是外婆，穿著那熟悉的衣裳，坐在駕駛座位上。我叫她，以廣東話問：「婆婆，妳會駕車啊？」（外婆生前沒有駕駛執照）　她轉頭，跟我說：「幫公公皈依吧！」 我答：「皈依啊？好啊！」

我就猛然醒來了，趕緊看時間，是清晨五點多。師父曾說在早上五點至七點之間做的夢是真實的。我梳洗後，即刻撥長途電話給在新加坡的師父。外公已過世十多年，在夢裡，外婆要我為外公皈依時，我已知道他尚未投胎，生前沒聽聞過佛法，更別説往生極樂了。而當外婆提到皈依時，我心裡的直覺說她指的是皈依我們的根本上師，蓮生活佛，絕非他人。最神的是，夢裡外婆的車和家人在喪禮中焚化給她的，是一模一樣的！

師父在電話中花了一個鐘頭的時間，耐心地教導我。他說我得先回到外婆生前的居所，向那裡的祖先牌位請示外公是否真的想皈依蓮生活佛。除了攜帶外公生前愛吃的食物，我也得先上香供養家門外供奉的天公、土地神和門神，祈求祂們允許我外公的魂魄入屋。

回囯後的隔天，我和兩位表姪女一起到外婆家，一一跟著師父的指示照做。我們三人上了香，跪在祖先牌位前，呼叫外公時，不可思議的事情發生了！刹那間，我們三人同時感覺到有股強烈的陰氣從我們背後的大門進來，再看到一個黑影從我們身旁快速地飃過，到祖先牌位的供桌上，頓時，我們全身都起了雞皮疙瘩。卜杯請示外公是否要皈依蓮生活佛時，連續得了三個聖杯！我的夢是真實的！師父教的真管用！

當下，我既讚嘆又感恩玳瑚師父，是他引我皈依蓮生活佛。在他之前，我根本沒聼過蓮生活佛的盛名。因爲我的皈依，我好幾個家人也皈依。師父常說死人的眼睛是雪亮的。外公生前非常疼愛我，沒想到，我和外婆的皈依也會讓他想向佛了！我是多麽的雀躍啊！我讚嘆師父那麽好眼光，有福份，一生只皈依一個上師，而且是一位已開悟成佛的上師，怪不得師父的本領那麽了得。我更感恩他不辭辛勞地廣揚佛法，讓我們這些門外漢能學到人生最大的一件事到底是什麽。

我是一個差勁的弟子，脾氣又不好，兩次被師父「停學」，每一次長達半年，更曾被沒收所有的筆記和課本。但在「停學」期間，師父仍慈悲教導我如何處理外婆的生後事。可能你覺得他是修行人，是玄學師父，不給他錢，他仍然應該幫你消災解厄，給他錢，他更要幫你逢凶化吉。我的看法卻是，自己的問題本來就應該自己解決。沒有人是「應該」幫你的，師父也不是一個你能用錢買的人，更不可以因爲師父沒有幫你這一次或看法不一，便因「愛」成「恨」，來個「秦始王燒書」 般地把過去師父幫過自己的恩都忘得一乾二淨，再來個翻臉不認「師」。這般無情無義的人我看的實在太多了。

這兩天趕緊將這篇個人見證寫完，並翻譯，已此供養玳瑚師父為他的「生日」禮物。農曆八月十五是玳瑚師父皈依真佛之日。他常說這一天才是他真正的生日，皈依學佛前的日子懵懂無意，虛度光陰，貴為佛子後，自己才真正「活」起來，成爲有智慧有貢獻的能人。兒子的事業這麽有意義，我想師父的父母一定會以他為榮。

如果你也像我一樣，曾經請示過師父，卻在信與不信之間進退兩難，希望我這篇文章能給你一點啓發，更盼你不會有我這般的遺憾。

祝大家中秋節快樂。

我在此也誠心地祝玳瑚師父「生日」快樂。謝謝您在無止境的萬難中，仍堅持帶給我們光明。我祈禱，願您的一生有如今晚的月輪一樣地美麗、圓滿、吉祥，願您早日修成正果，速登彼岸。阿彌陀佛。

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It was one afternoon in the year 2006, 2 weeks from the Mid-Autumn Festival. I was travelling along the Central Expressway in a cab when I made a call to Master Dai Hu. The memory was still fresh. My grandmother's health was deteriorating by the day, and I desperately wanted to know how much longer she could hold on. I was working as a flight attendant at that time, and the fear was that I might be overseas and not able to see her the final time when she breathed her last.

During the taxi ride, I pleaded incessantly for Master Dai Hu to answer my burning question. He refused. He said that as a Master, it was a taboo to predict one's life span because the answer would drive many towards anxiety and hysteria, even when they seemed nonchalant initially. At that time, my grandmother had already taken refuge under Living Buddha Lian-Sheng, and I told Master Dai Hu that since my grandmother and myself were the only Buddhists who had taken refuge in the family, I really hoped to provide some form of hospice care, and perform the proper rites during the crucial 8-hour time window after her passing to guide her towards rebirth into the Pure Land.

There was total silence on the other end of the line for a long time. Master Dai Hu did not utter a single sound. I was doomed, I thought to myself, if Master refused to tell me, what should I do? How could I apply for leave of absence from my employer?

"It would not be beyond the fifteenth day of the Eighth Lunar Month". Finally the silence was broken.

What, Master, what did you just? You meant the Mid-Autumn Festival? But I had not even tell you the birth date and time of my grandmother. You only knew her name and Chinese Zodiac Sign, how could you be so sure?

Master Dai Hu repeated his prediction again, and told me warmly that I could call him anytime if I encountered any problem. With that, our conversation ended.

This was the fourteenth day of the Eighth Lunar Month. The doctor told me that Grandma's blood count suffered a drastic drop, and had to be admitted to hospital for a blood transfusion. After I had done the paper works for the admittance, I stayed with her, together with her maid. I was totally physically and mentally exhausted. Flying around the world had taken its toll on me, with the late nights and jet lags, not to mention the many hospital trips I made with Grandmother over the past few weeks and every hospital visit spanned over a few hours. I looked at Grandma who was lying on her hospital bed. She looked much better after the blood transfusion and the doctor said all was well. Grandma knew I was washed out and kept asking me to go home and rest. Master Dai Hu's prediction was constantly on my mind. I had wanted to stay for one more night to accompany Grandma but the hospital admission that day was unexpected and I did not prepare any overnight bag. I was staying at Woodlands at that time and it was far from SGH. My husband who was by my side advised me to go home to rest too as he felt that I needed to be in a better condition to continue sharing the Dharma and reciting the Buddha's name with Grandma.

I hesitated. Master's predictions for me always rang true. But my Grandma looked quite good, something which I have not seen in months. Furthermore, I have been doing spiritual practices and dedicating the merits to her. Perhaps a miracle had happened!

At about 120am on the fifteenth day of the Eighth Lunar Month, I went home.

My phone rang at 1020am. It was the maid. She was not really conversant in English but told me anxiously that Grandma wanted to see me, and asked if I was on the way. I naively shrugged it off, thinking it might just be Grandma wanting to see me after her sleep.

Another phone call came in at 1045am, the sobbing and muffled voice of my cousin on the other end, telling me that Grandma had passed away. At that very moment, the words of Master "Not beyond the fifteenth day of the Eighth Lunar Month" reverberated through me. My heart sank to the rock bottom. Why did I ask Master for his prediction when I was not prepared to have complete faith in him? Why had I not told this prediction to my family members? Why could I not just stay in hospital with Grandma for that one more night? Life and death are both predestined. How could I think so highly of myself and believe that meagre merits from my spiritual practice was sufficient to rewrite her fate? Now I realized the truth in the saying that a person before his or her imminent death would look as if he or she is well. Goodness gracious! I was so unfilial to had left Grandma alone, on her death bed with no family member but only the maid beside her!

I phoned Master Dai Hu at the hospital and he answered very quickly. Once the first words were spoken, I had already broken down in sobs. Master said that he woke up early that morning with a premonition. He kept "seeing" images of my Grandma and myself, and knew in an instant that his prediction had prevailed and had been waiting for my call. Not only did Master not reprimand me for not having enough faith in him, he even reminded me on the list of things to do for Grandma's funeral. He counseled me, saying that for Grandma to bade this world farewell on the fifteenth day of the Eighth Lunar Month, it signified that she had lived a full and complete life, and that her karmic debt of suffering from illnesses the past 10 over years had finally been repaid. He said I should be glad that Grandma had been released from her pains and sufferings. Master was well aware of my rash temperament, and reminded me many times not to squabble with the family members during the funeral wake.

This has to be the other regrettable thing in this episode. My understanding of the Dharma was shallow then, and I did not practice the ways of endurance, equality, and did not consider the feelings of others in handling things. Not only did I pressurize my family members over the arrangements of Grandma's funeral, my bad temper flared uncontrollably during the funeral as I was not in agreement with the rest of the family members. All this talk about being a Buddhist turned me into a laughing stock! Why could I not learn from Master, who was and still is always so magnanimous and gracious?

During the seven-day period after Grandma's passing, many family members dreamed of her continually. I was the only one not to have seen her in my dreams. This was very puzzling for me. At the time of her passing, Grandma was calling out for me. Why did she not appear in my dreams? Did she not have anything to say to me? (Truthfully, I wanted very much to say a million sorry to her in person). As I was pondering over this matter, I remembered a demarcation method taught to me by Master, to protect myself against spirits stealing my life essence and disrupting my sleep, and to stay safe while I was overseas. This demarcation was something I always did before going to bed, and it really proved itself as a useful and powerful Dharma practice.

That night, in my hotel room in New York, I took a risk and forgo the demarcation procedure before I slept. That very night, I dreamed of Grandma! I was at the car park, near my childhood residence (also near Grandma's previous residence). I was walking along a pavement and ended up beside a cream-coloured Mercedes Benz. I looked down, and there she was! My Grandma was wearing her usual clothing and seated in the driver's seat. I called out to her and asked in Cantonese, "Grandma, you know how to drive?" Grandma did not have a driving license when she was alive. She turned to speak to me, "Help your Grandfather to take refuge!" I answered, "Take refuge? Ok!"

I jolted out from sleep, and hurriedly looked at the clock. It was five plus in the morning. Master once said that dreams occurring between 5am - 7am were real. I washed up, and called Master who was in Singapore immediately. My Grandfather has been dead for more than 10 years. In my dream, when Grandma wanted me to take refuge for Grandfather, I knew then that Grandfather had yet to go through reincarnation. He did not hear the Dharma during his lifetime, so he could not have been reborn into the Pure Land. When Grandma spoke of taking refuge, my intuition told me that she was referring to our Root Guru, Living Buddha Lian-Sheng, whom we took refuge in, and no one else. The next amazing thing was that the car in which Grandma was seated in the dream looked exactly the same as the one the family members burnt as an offering to her during the funeral!

Master spent an hour on the phone with me, patiently guiding me. He said I needed to return to my Grandma's house and seek answers from the ancestors at the ancestral tablet if my Grandfather really wanted to take refuge in Living Buddha Lian-Sheng. Other than preparing my Grandfather's favorite snacks, I had to offer incense and other offerings to the Jade Emperor, the Earth Deity as well as the Door Guardians, who were enshrined outside my Grandma's home, and request for smooth entry of my Grandfather's spirit into the house.

A few days upon my return to Singapore, I went to my Grandma's house, together with my two nieces. I followed Master's instruction to the tee. The three of us offered incense, knelt down in front of the ancestral tablet and called for my Grandfather. Something extraordinary happened next! In the flash of an eye, the 3 of us felt a strong Yin energy coming in from the main door, and witnessed a black shadowy figure slid past us in speed, and onto the ancestral tablet. Momentarily, our hair stood on end and all of us felt goosebumps on our skins. When I threw the divination blocks and asked if it was Grandfather's wish to take refuge in Living Buddha Lian-Sheng, the answer was positive with three consecutive yes! My dream was real after all! The method which Master taught really worked well!

Instantly, I was in awe, and at the same time, extremely grateful to Master Dai Hu. He was the one who guided me to take refuge in Living Buddha Lian-Sheng. Before that, I never hear of Him. Because of my taking refuge, a few of my family members followed suit. Master often said that the dead had the brightest eyes. Grandfather doted on me very much when he was alive, and never did I expect Grandfather to follow my Grandma and I in taking refuge and seek the Dharma. I was totally elated! I praised Master for his foresight, and his great fortune of taking refuge in a one and only one Guru Master, one who had attained perfect Enlightenment. It is no wonder that Master Dai Hu has such great skills too. I am also grateful for his relentless pursuits to propagate the Dharma, enabling layman like us to learn, understand and prepare for the biggest event of our life.

I am a lousy disciple with bad temperament. Twice, I was booted out by Master and not allowed to learn from him for as long as 6 months. My notes and books were confiscated. However, even when I did not see Master during those periods, he showed compassion and guided me through the ordeal of my Grandma's passing. Perhaps you might think that it is his duty as a spiritual practitioner and Chinese metaphysicist to show compassion and help others in need even if no money is paid to him, and if money is paid, all the more he should help the clients out of their troubles.

My take on this: We must take responsibility for our own problems. No one owe us any form of help or assistance. And Master Dai Hu is definitely not someone you can buy with money. If he does not render his help to you or both of you have a different opinion on certain issues, you cannot go from having admiration to bearing resentment towards him over that. I have seen too many ungrateful people who erase all the memories of the good that Master had once done for them, pretty much like how Emperor Qin burnt the books, with no trace left and turned their backs on Master, like they had never known him.

Over the last two days, I rushed to complete this testimonial as a present to Master Dai Hu on his "birthday". It was this auspicious day, the fifteenth day of the Eighth Lunar Month, that Master Dai Hu took refuge in True Buddha and became a Buddhist. He often said that this day felt more like his real birthday. Before learning the Dharma and taking refuge, he led a life of meaningless existence, squandering away youth and time. Only when he became a Buddhist did he truly come to life, begin to live in wisdom and gain great ability, while making useful and meaningful contributions to the society. With such a noble career, I guess his parents must be very proud of having a son like him.

If you are to be in my shoes one day, having asked Master for advice but still teetering on the border and unsure if you should believe him, I hope my story will inspire you and not let you suffer the same regrets as I did.

Wishing everyone a Happy Mid-Autumn Festival.

And I genuinely wish Master Dai Hu a "Happy Birthday". Thank you for bringing the Light to us, despite the endless obstacles you constantly battle. I pray that your life will be as beautiful, complete and auspicious as the full moon tonight. May you soon attain the fruit of perfect and complete Enlightenment. Amituofo.

www.masterdaihu.com/the-prophecy-not-beyond-mid-autumn/

An incredibly beautiful, sad, brave, wise, inspiring post by Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg. Early this year, I read her book 'Lean In', a book encouraging women to achieve their dreams and ambitions, and was so grateful it was written for such a time as this. I especially loved her chapter about David being so supportive of her. I'm still stunned by all that's happened to them.

Here's to beating the heck out of Option B.

Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband—the first thirty days. Judaism calls for a period of intense mourning known as shiva that lasts seven days after a loved one is buried. After shiva, most normal activities can be resumed, but it is the end of sheloshim that marks the completion of religious mourning for a spouse.

A childhood friend of mine who is now a rabbi recently told me that the most powerful one-line prayer he has ever read is: “Let me not die while I am still alive.” I would have never understood that prayer before losing Dave. Now I do.

I think when tragedy occurs, it presents a choice. You can give in to the void, the emptiness that fills your heart, your lungs, constricts your ability to think or even breathe. Or you can try to find meaning. These past thirty days, I have spent many of my moments lost in that void. And I know that many future moments will be consumed by the vast emptiness as well.

But when I can, I want to choose life and meaning.

And this is why I am writing: to mark the end of sheloshim and to give back some of what others have given to me. While the experience of grief is profoundly personal, the bravery of those who have shared their own experiences has helped pull me through. Some who opened their hearts were my closest friends. Others were total strangers who have shared wisdom and advice publicly. So I am sharing what I have learned in the hope that it helps someone else. In the hope that there can be some meaning from this tragedy.

I have lived thirty years in these thirty days. I am thirty years sadder. I feel like I am thirty years wiser.

I have gained a more profound understanding of what it is to be a mother, both through the depth of the agony I feel when my children scream and cry and from the connection my mother has to my pain. She has tried to fill the empty space in my bed, holding me each night until I cry myself to sleep. She has fought to hold back her own tears to make room for mine. She has explained to me that the anguish I am feeling is both my own and my children’s, and I understood that she was right as I saw the pain in her own eyes.

I have learned that I never really knew what to say to others in need. I think I got this all wrong before; I tried to assure people that it would be okay, thinking that hope was the most comforting thing I could offer. A friend of mine with late-stage cancer told me that the worst thing people could say to him was “It is going to be okay.” That voice in his head would scream, How do you know it is going to be okay? Do you not understand that I might die? I learned this past month what he was trying to teach me. Real empathy is sometimes not insisting that it will be okay but acknowledging that it is not. When people say to me, “You and your children will find happiness again,” my heart tells me, Yes, I believe that, but I know I will never feel pure joy again. Those who have said, “You will find a new normal, but it will never be as good” comfort me more because they know and speak the truth. Even a simple “How are you?”—almost always asked with the best of intentions—is better replaced with “How are you today?” When I am asked “How are you?” I stop myself from shouting, My husband died a month ago, how do you think I am? When I hear “How are you today?” I realize the person knows that the best I can do right now is to get through each day.

I have learned some practical stuff that matters. Although we now know that Dave died immediately, I didn’t know that in the ambulance. The trip to the hospital was unbearably slow. I still hate every car that did not move to the side, every person who cared more about arriving at their destination a few minutes earlier than making room for us to pass. I have noticed this while driving in many countries and cities. Let’s all move out of the way. Someone’s parent or partner or child might depend on it.

I have learned how ephemeral everything can feel—and maybe everything is. That whatever rug you are standing on can be pulled right out from under you with absolutely no warning. In the last thirty days, I have heard from too many women who lost a spouse and then had multiple rugs pulled out from under them. Some lack support networks and struggle alone as they face emotional distress and financial insecurity. It seems so wrong to me that we abandon these women and their families when they are in greatest need.

I have learned to ask for help—and I have learned how much help I need. Until now, I have been the older sister, the COO, the doer and the planner. I did not plan this, and when it happened, I was not capable of doing much of anything. Those closest to me took over. They planned. They arranged. They told me where to sit and reminded me to eat. They are still doing so much to support me and my children.

I have learned that resilience can be learned. Adam M. Grant taught me that three things are critical to resilience and that I can work on all three. Personalization—realizing it is not my fault. He told me to ban the word “sorry.” To tell myself over and over, This is not my fault. Permanence—remembering that I won’t feel like this forever. This will get better. Pervasiveness—this does not have to affect every area of my life; the ability to compartmentalize is healthy.

For me, starting the transition back to work has been a savior, a chance to feel useful and connected. But I quickly discovered that even those connections had changed. Many of my co-workers had a look of fear in their eyes as I approached. I knew why—they wanted to help but weren’t sure how. Should I mention it? Should I not mention it? If I mention it, what the hell do I say? I realized that to restore that closeness with my colleagues that has always been so important to me, I needed to let them in. And that meant being more open and vulnerable than I ever wanted to be. I told those I work with most closely that they could ask me their honest questions and I would answer. I also said it was okay for them to talk about how they felt. One colleague admitted she’d been driving by my house frequently, not sure if she should come in. Another said he was paralyzed when I was around, worried he might say the wrong thing. Speaking openly replaced the fear of doing and saying the wrong thing. One of my favorite cartoons of all time has an elephant in a room answering the phone, saying, “It’s the elephant.” Once I addressed the elephant, we were able to kick him out of the room.

At the same time, there are moments when I can’t let people in. I went to Portfolio Night at school where kids show their parents around the classroom to look at their work hung on the walls. So many of the parents—all of whom have been so kind—tried to make eye contact or say something they thought would be comforting. I looked down the entire time so no one could catch my eye for fear of breaking down. I hope they understood.

I have learned gratitude. Real gratitude for the things I took for granted before—like life. As heartbroken as I am, I look at my children each day and rejoice that they are alive. I appreciate every smile, every hug. I no longer take each day for granted. When a friend told me that he hates birthdays and so he was not celebrating his, I looked at him and said through tears, “Celebrate your birthday, goddammit. You are lucky to have each one.” My next birthday will be depressing as hell, but I am determined to celebrate it in my heart more than I have ever celebrated a birthday before.

I am truly grateful to the many who have offered their sympathy. A colleague told me that his wife, whom I have never met, decided to show her support by going back to school to get her degree—something she had been putting off for years. Yes! When the circumstances allow, I believe as much as ever in leaning in. And so many men—from those I know well to those I will likely never know—are honoring Dave’s life by spending more time with their families.

I can’t even express the gratitude I feel to my family and friends who have done so much and reassured me that they will continue to be there. In the brutal moments when I am overtaken by the void, when the months and years stretch out in front of me endless and empty, only their faces pull me out of the isolation and fear. My appreciation for them knows no bounds.

I was talking to one of these friends about a father-child activity that Dave is not here to do. We came up with a plan to fill in for Dave. I cried to him, “But I want Dave. I want option A.” He put his arm around me and said, “Option A is not available. So let’s just kick the shit out of option B.”

Dave, to honor your memory and raise your children as they deserve to be raised, I promise to do all I can to kick the shit out of option B. And even though sheloshim has ended, I still mourn for option A. I will always mourn for option A. As Bono sang, “There is no end to grief . . . and there is no end to love.” I love you, Dave.