關於 it's ok to be not ok meaning ，我們在網路上蒐集到這些相關的討論、資訊與評價

WAKTU TAK SOLAT, TAKDE INGAT APA-APA.. TIME SOLAT JE , MACAM-MACAM BENDA MASUK KAT KEPALA ::

Ramai orang hadapi masalah ni.. Time kita tak solat, takde pulak pikir pasal apa2.. Time baca Fatihah, baca Surah, time Tahiyyat, time tu jugak la teringat baju kat ampaian, kasut kat luar, keter dah nak mati roadtax.. Benda merepek2 yg masuk dlm kepala.. Abes je bagi salam, takde pulak pikir pasal benda2 ni semua.. Bila dah khayal ingat benda2 ni semua, kita pun terlupa rakaat ke berapa.. Ada tu, kita rasa mcm kentut, tapi betul ke kentut? Kalau kentut, batal wudhu.. Batal ler solat.. Ishhh.. Camne nak buat ni? Camne la nak khusyuk solat ni??

Meh sini atok habaq sat... Bila kita solat, akan hadir Iblis bernama Khanzab.. Dia ni kejenya memang mengacau orang solat.. Kita akan teringat benda2 tak penting, pastu terlupa rakaat, pastu dia timbulkan keraguan kita kentut ke tak.. macam kentut, macam tak..

Nabi SAW ada berpesan yg diriwayatkan oleh Imam Ahmad pasal benda ni.. Kalau kentut, pastikan telinga kita dengar bunyi dan ada bau.. Kalau takde, tu si Khanzab nyer kejer le tu.. Kalau teringat benda2 kat luar solat, tu kejer si Khanzab jugak.. Jahat kan dia ni? Samseng sungguh! Memang dia nak lalaikan kita.. Nak kita tak khusyuk dalam solat.. Bila kita khayal teringat benda2 ni, tapi mulut kumat kamit baca bacaan dlm solat, si Khanzab ni berdekah-dekah ketawakan kita.. Cis!!!

Cara nak lawan si Khanzab ni 👇
(Sebelum solat)

[1] Baca Ta'awuz (a'uzubiLLaHiminassyaitonnirrojim) sebelum solat pastu ludah ke kiri 3x (syarat meludah je.. Bukan ludah dgn kahak-kahak sekali keluar)

[2] Baca Ayatul Kursi 1x

[3] Baca Surah an-Nas 1x

Pastu boleh niat dan teruskan solat.. Cuba fahami maksud ayat2 bacaan solat tu.. Sebab tu kita kena belajar.. Apa tafsiran al-Fatihah, surah2 yg kita baca, bacaan waktu ruku', i'tidal, sujud dan lain2.. Jadi sambil kita baca, kita faham.. Bukan hafal dan baca tegak je.. makin senang ler si Khanzab ni nak mengacau.. Ok, pasni cuba taktik ni.. Tengok siapa menang, kita atau syaitan?
WHEN YOU DON 'T PRAY, YOU DON' T REMEMBER ANYTHING.. JUST PRAYING TIME, THINGS ARE INTO THE HEAD ::

Many people are facing this problem.. When we don't pray, we don't think about anything.. When we read Fatihah, read Surah, during Tahiyyat, at that time we remembered the clothes on the clothesline, the shoes outside, the car outside is about to die The shit that goes into the head.. Just after giving regards, I don't think about all of these things.. When I'm high I remember all of these things, we forgot how many rakaat.. There's that, we feel like farting, but but Is it true to fart? If you fart, cancel your ablution.. Prayers will cancel.. Ishhh.. How to do this? How to humble this prayer??

Come here grandpa will tell you... When we pray, there will be a devil named Khanzab.. This person is the job of disturbing people praying.. We will remember things that are not important, then forget the rakaat, and then he will create doubt that we fart or not.. kind of fart, kind of not..

Prophet SAW said that Imam Ahmad said about this.. If it farts, make sure that our ears hear the sound and smell.. If there's no, that's the Khanzab.. If you remember things outside the prayer, that's it The Khanzab's work too.. Isn't he evil? Such a thug! He really wants to ignore us.. Want us not to be humble in our prayers.. When we remember these high things, but our mouth is recurred when we read the reading in our prayers, this Khanzab is laughing so hard at us.. Cis!!!

Ways to fight this Khanzab 👇
(Before praying)

[1] Read Ta 'awuz ( a' uzubiLLaHiminassyaitonnirrojim) before praying and spit to the left 3 x (the condition of spitting only.. Not spitting with phlegm and phlegm comes out)

[2] Read Ayatul Chair 1 x

[3] Read Surah an-Nas 1 x

And then can be intention and continue praying.. Try to understand the meaning of the prayer reading verses.. That's why we have to learn.. What is the interpretation of al-Fatihah, the verses that we read, the reading of the time of ruku ', i ' tidal, .. So while we read, we understand.. Not just memorizing and reading straightly.. it's getting easier for Khanzab to disturb.. Ok, after this try this tactic.. Look who won, us or the devil?Translated

唉～ 接下來幾個禮拜，只能像是籠中鳥兒看著天空🕊️😢

好啦！其實沒那麼慘🙈 雖然墨爾本進入最嚴重的災難狀態，實施宵禁，強制戴口罩等⚠️ 但民眾還是可以每天出去一個小時運動，只是不能離家圓周五公里遠🏃

不過我從沒想到一個家庭只能派一個人出去買菜對我來說是打擊多麼大的事🙀 接下來就是一個抱怨＋自我檢討的文字😬

首先，煮飯的人是 York，所以他必須買食材🌽 我則負責看當週有什麼特價、家裡用品缺什麼，再依照單位價格以及熱量等決定要買什麼😬 可以說逛超市是我旅遊世界各地的樂趣😝

事情發生於實行禁令下午，York下班後趕緊到附近的超市買菜🍆 買了一個禮拜份的簡單食材，買了他喜歡吃的橘子，卻沒買我愛吃的蘋果🍎🍊

問他為什麼？他說因為買太重了。結果我看了一下購物袋，他居然買了三公升的牛奶！！！重點是家裡只有他愛喝牛奶🥛

當下我氣炸了！覺得如果我不一起去購物，那麼他都不會想到我愛吃什麼東西？ 又或是可以把他一公升的牛奶放回去，買一公斤我的蘋果也好😠

直到今天看到我朋友在 IG 轉發的文章，突然讓我釋懷。英文大意大概是這樣⤵️

「我們從三月份開始就因為疫情關係在緊繃狀態。一開始封城的時候，大家都嘗試利用這獨處的時間進修、運動、讓自己變更好💪

可是連續五個月都在緊繃狀態，我們無法進行平常讓頭腦放鬆的活動。例如見朋友、去餐廳吃飯、踏青⛰️ 久而久之，原本的動力就會消耗而盡...😔 什麼事情都提不起勁、每天昏昏沉沉、脾氣開始變成暴躁、沮喪💔

這些都是正常的。畢竟我們生活模式因為疫情的關係改變了許多。在路上見到行人會下意識閃躲，下班後必須直接回家，那裡也都不能去🙅

每天能夠安全度過就已經很棒了。畢竟人們需要在滿足生理需求後，才可以追求額外的事物，例如創造力等🖌️ 所以不要對自己太自責，也不要覺得自己沒用、在浪費生命❤️ 記得這不是你的問題，而是疫情的關係。」

有時候一段文字真的可以拯救一個人的心態啊～ 難怪那麼多人愛讀心靈雞湯😹 希望這段話也可以送給那些因為疫情影響的朋友們❤️

說真的這波封城比第一波封城還要困難☹️ 主要是因為全世界基本上都重新開放了，看著大家遊玩的照片而我們只能卡在家裡（之前至少還可以爬山）確實令人沮喪😔 不過還是要好好珍惜自己所擁有的，不要讓負面情緒掌控🙏

Ps. 最近 York 又重新開始跑步，卻碰到第二波封城的關係他就不出去跑了🏃 因為直到前天，原來那些確診的人除了在家自我隔離，居然還可以出去運動😱

而且運動的時候不需要戴口罩，因為政府覺得這樣無法跑步及騎腳踏車等🚲 實在有夠扯！難怪墨爾本人數一直上升📈 所以現在也不太想要出去走路了... 🙁

Pss. 我的 IG 只剩幾個人就可以破七千了！雖然離一萬還是很遙遠😭 希望大家可以多多支持啊～ www.instagram.com/travelwithwinny 🙉

For the next few weeks, we will be like birds in a cage looking out into the sky 🕊️😢

Okay! Maybe not that bad but considering Melbourne is in a "state of disaster" and we are only allowed 5KM radius from home, it's quite similar to being caged up 🙉

I never thought not able to go food shopping together has so much impact on me😕 Under the new restriction, only one person per household can go out food shopping🌽

York has to be the person doing shopping cz he's the one cooking🍳 Yet I am the one who buys other household items and see what's on special etc😬

So for York going out to shop by himself, it will turn out like the day after the restriction was announced, where he quickly went food shopping after work in case everything gets sold out👀

He bought his favourite oranges and not my apples🍊🍎 I asked why? He said cz he's already bought too much. So I looked into the grocery bag and saw him bought 3 liters of milk!!!

If he only have bought 2 liters of milk and 1 kilo of my apple (cz that's the only fruit I LOVE) then I'd be ok🙄 But no!!! 3 liters of milk for the week when I don't even drink milk just makes me think he doesn't consider about me😠

Then I read this post by @thepsychologysisters, which made me felt better and decided to forgive😌 It pretty much summed up like this⤵️

"Just remember that we've been stuck in a fight or flight mode since March. It's ok if you haven't been as productive as you would have liked, learnt a new skill, exercised everyday etc💪

We're suffering a collective stress response, it's admirable if we're able to even just make it through the day.

Our work, home and social environment has changed, we've had to adopt to a new and unfamiliar way of living👀

We had to cancel events that normally give our brain a break and provoke a sense of fun, normality, social cohesion and relaxation.

When we're in constant fight or flight, we begin to burn out. Our brain is stuck in survival mode, meaning we're less able to regulate our emotions and think normally🙁 It makes sense we're exhausted, burnt out and lacking any motivation at the moment.

We've been hit with 5 months of adrenaline, norepinephrine and stress hormones which can have devastating impacts on our emotional regulation, psychological and physical wellbeing💔

So if you're feeling tired, constantly sad, frustrated for no reason, ruminating on what could have been for 2020, please know that you are not alone, this is completely normal emotional reaction to Covid-19💕"

So ya, because of this post, it made decided to try not to forget how lucky we are still have a home🏠 Try not to let negativity take over and still try to be grateful 🙏

Ps. It still sucks seeing everyone traveling around the globe cz their government thinks economy is more important than health...😅

My sister, Michelle-Ann Iking's 3% chance of conceiving naturally was a success! Here's her story:

(My apologies as I've been overwhelmed with personal matters. I've only managed to get to my desk. So finally got around posting this).

This is the story behind my sister's pregnancy struggle and how she shared her journey over her Facebook page.

Because some may have not caught her LIVE session chat with me (https://www.facebook.com/daphneiking/videos/687743128744960/) , or read her lengthy post (as it's a private page);
she's allowed me to copy and paste it over my wall, in case you need to know more about her thought process on how AND why she focused on the 3% success probability. Read on.

-------------------------------------------

Posted 10th May 2020.
FB Credit: Michelle-Ann Iking

A week ago today I celebrated becoming a mother to our second, long awaited child.

Please forgive this mother's LONG (self-indulgent) post, journalling what this significant milestone has meant for her personally, for her own fallible memory's sake as well as maybe to share one day with her son.

If all you were wondering was whether I had delivered and if mum and bub are OK, please be assured the whole KkLM family are thriving tremendously, and continue scrolling right along your Newsfeed 😁.

OUR 3% MIRACLE

All babies are miracles... and none more so than our precious Kiaen Aaryan (pronounced KEY-n AR-yen), whose name derives from Sanskrit origins meaning:

Grace of God
Spiritual
Kind
Benevolent

...words espousing the gratitude Kishore and I feel for Kiaen's arrival as our "3% miracle".

He was conceived, naturally, after 3 years of Kishore and I hoping, praying and 'endeavoring'... and only couples for whom the objective switches from pure recreation to (elusive) procreation will understand how this is less fun than it sounds ...

3 years during which time we had consensus from 3 different doctors that we, particularly I (with my advancing age etc etc) had only a 3% chance of natural conception and that our best hope for a sibling for our firstborn, Lara Anoushka, was via IVF.

Lara herself was an 'intervention baby', being one of the 20% of babies successfully conceived through the less intrusive IUI process, after a year and a half of trying naturally and already being told then my age was a debilitating factor.

We had tried another round of IUI for her sibling in 2017 when Lara was a year old. And that time we fell into the ranks of the 80% of would-be parents for whom it would be an exercise in futility... who would go home, comfort each other as best they could, while individually masking their own personal disappointment... hoping for the best, 'the next time around'...

So the improbability ratio of 97% against natural conception of our second baby, as concurred by the combined opinion of 3 medical professionals, was a very real, very daunting figure for us to have to mentally deal with.

Deep, DEEP, down in my heart however, though I had many a day of doubt... I kept a core kernel of faith that somehow, I would again experience the privilege of pregnancy, and again, have a chance at childbirth.

And so, the optimist in me would tell myself, "Well, there have to be people who fall in the 3% bucket... why shouldn't WE be part of the 3%?"

Those who know me well, understand my belief in the Law of Attraction, the philosophy of focusing your mind only on what you want to attract, not on what you don't want, and so even as Kishore and I prepared to go into significant personal debt to attempt IVF in the 2nd half of 2019, I marshalled a last ditch effort to hone in on that 3% chance of natural conception... through research coming across fertility supplements that I ordered from the US and sent to a friend in Singapore to redirect to me because the supplier would not deliver to Malaysia.

I made us as a couple take the supplements in the 3 month 'priming period' in the lead up to the IVF procedure - preconditioning our bodies for optimum results, if you will.

At the same time, I had invested in a sophisticated fertility monitor, with probes and digital sensors for daily tracking of saliva and other unmentionable fluid samples, designed to pinpoint with chemical accuracy my state of fertility on any given day.

(UPDATE: For those interested - I obtained the supplements and Ovacue Fertility Monitor from https://www.fairhavenhealth.com/. Though I had my supplies delivered to a friend in Singapore, and redirected to me here since the US site does not deliver to Malaysia, there are local distributors for these products, you will just have to research the trustworthiness of the vendors yourself...)

I had set an intention - in the 3 months of pre-IVF priming, I would consume what seemed like a pharmacy's worth of supplements, and track fertility religiously... in hopes that somehow, within the 3 month priming period, we would conceive naturally and potentially save ourselves a down payment on a new property... and this was just a projection on financial costs of IVF, not even considering the physical, emotional and mental toll it involves, with no guarantee of a baby at the end of it all...

It was a continuation of an intention embedded even with my first pregnancy, where all the big ticket baby items were consciously purchased for use by a future sibling, in gender neutral colours, in hopes that sibling would be a brother "for a balanced pair", though of course any healthy child would be a welcome blessing.

It was a very conscious determination to always skew my thoughts in service of what the end objective was. For example, when 3+year old Lara would innocently express impatience at not yet having a sibling, at one point suggesting that since we were "taking too long to give her a baby brother/sister", perhaps we should just "go buy a baby from a shop", instead of getting defensive or berating the baby that she herself was, we enlisted Lara's help to pray for her sibling... so in any place of worship, or sacred ground of any kind that we passed thereon, Lara would stop, close her eyes, bow her small head and place her tiny hands together in prayer, reciting earnestly, "Please God, please give me a baby brother or baby sister."

After months and months of watching Lara do this, in the constancy of her childlike chant, Kishore started feeling the pressure of possibly disappointing Lara if her prayer was not answered. Whereas for me, Lara's recitation of her simple wish became like a strengthening mantra, our collective intention imbued with greater power with each repetition, and the goal of a sibling kept very much in the forefront of our minds (hence our calling Lara our 'project manager' in this endeavour).

And somehow in the 2nd month of that 3 month period, a positive + sign appeared on one of the home pregnancy tests I had grown accustomed to taking - my version of the lottery tickets others keep buying in hopes of hitting the jackpot, with all the cyclical anticipation and more often than not, disappointment, that entails...

This time however I was not disappointed.

With God's Grace, (hence 'Kiaen', a variation of 'Kiaan' which means 'Grace of God'), my focus on our joining the ranks of the 3% had materialised.

It seems poetic then, that Kiaen chose to make his appearance on the 3rd May, ironically the same date that his paternal great-grandfather departed this world for the next... such that in the combined words of Kishore and his father Kai Vello Suppiah,

"The 1st generation Suppiah left on 3rd May and the 4th generation Suppiah arrived on 3rd May after 41yrs...
One leaves, another comes, the legacy lives on..."

***

KIAEN AARYAN SUPPIAH'S BIRTH STORY

On Sunday 3rd May, I was 40 weeks and 5 days pregnant.

The baby was, in my mind, very UN-fashionably late past his due date of 29th April, so as much as I had willed and 'manifested' the privilege of pregnancy, to say I was keen to be done with it all was an understatement.

In the weeks leading to up to my full term, I had experienced increasingly intense Braxton-Hicks 'practice contractions' - annoying for me for the discomfort involved, stressful for Kishore who was on tenterhooks with the false alarms, on constant alert for when we would actually need to leave home for the hospital.

Having become a Hypnobirthing student and advocate from my first pregnancy with Lara, and thus being equipped with
(1) a lack of fear about childbirth in general and
(2) a basic understanding of how all the sensations I would experience fit into the big picture of my body bringing our baby closer to us,
I was less stressed - content to wait for the baby to be "fully cooked" and come out whenever he was ready... though I wouldn't have minded at all if the cooking time ended sooner, rather than later.

With Lara, I had been somewhat 'forced' into an induced labour, even though she was not yet due, and that had resulted in a 5 DAY LABOUR, a Birth Story for another post, so I was not inclined to chemically induce labour, even though I was assured that for second time mothers, it would be 'much faster and easier'...

That morning, I had a hunch *maybe* that day was the day, because in contrast to previous weeks' sensations of tightening, pressure and even spasms that were concentrated in the front of my abdomen and occasionally shot through my sides and legs, I felt period - like cramping in my lower back which I had not felt before throughout the pregnancy.

It was about 8am in the morning then, and my 'surges' were still relatively mild ('surges' being Hypnobirthing - speak for 'contractions', designed to frame them with the more positive connotations needed to counteract common language in which childbirth is presented as something that is unequivocally painful and traumatic, instead of the miraculous, powerful and natural phenomenon it actually is).

I recall (masochistically?) entertaining the thought of opting NOT to have an epidural JUST TO SEE WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE...

I figured this would be the last time I would be pregnant and so it would be my 'last chance' to experience 'drug free labour' which, apart from the health benefits for baby and mother, might be *interesting* in a way that people who are curious about what getting a tattoo and skydiving and bungee jumping are like, might find these *interesting*...even knowing there will be pain and risk involved...

Since I have tried tattoos and skydiving (unfortunately not being able to squeeze in bungee-jumping while my life was purely my own to risk at no dependents' possible detriment) a similar curiousity about a no-epidural labour was on my mind...

In the absence of other signs of the onset of labour (like 'bloody show' or my waters breaking), I wanted to wait until the surges were coming every few minutes before we actually left the house for the hospital, not wanting to be one of those couples who rushed in too early and had interminable waits for the next stage in unfamiliar, clinical surroundings and/or were made to go home in an anti-climatic manner.

I was even calm enough through my surges to have the presence of mind to wash and blowdry my hair, knowing if I did deliver soon I would not be allowed this luxury for a while.

Around 9am I asked Kishore to prep for Lara and himself to be dressed and breakfasted so we could head to hospital soon, while I sent messages to family members on both sides informing them 'today might be the day.'

My mother, who had briefly served as a midwife before going back into general nursing and then becoming a nursing tutor, prophetically stated that if what I was experiencing was true labour, "the baby would be out by noon".

The pace in which my surges grew closer together was surprisingly quicker than I expected; and while I asked Lara to "Hurry up with breakfast" with only a tad more urgency than we normally tell her to do, little Missy being prone to dilly-dallying at meals, I probably freaked Kishore out when about 930am onwards, I had to instinctively get on my hands and knees a couple of times, eyes closed, trying to practice the Hypnobirthing breathing techniques I had revised to help along the process of my body birthing our child into the world.

I recall him saying a bit frantically as I knelt at our front door, doubled over as he waited for Lara to complete something or other, "Lara hurry up! Can't you see Mama is in so much pain and you are taking your own sweet time??!!"

SIDETRACK: Just the night before, Lara and I had watched a TV show in which a woman gave birth with the usual histrionics accompanying pop culture depictions of labour.

Lara watched the scene, transfixed.

I told her, simply and matter-of-factly, "That's what Mama has to do to get baby brother out Lara, and that's what I had to do for you also."

In most of interactions with my daughter, I have sought to equip her to face life's situations with calmness, truthful common sense, and ideally a minimum of drama.

Those who know the dramatic diva that Lara can be will know that this is a work-in-progress, but her response to me that night showed me some of my 'teachings' were sinking in:

She looked at me unfazed, "But Mama," she said. "You won't cry and scream like that lady, right? You will be BRAVE and stay calm, right?"
#nopressure.

So as we prepped to leave for the hospital I did indeed attempt to be that role model of calm for her, asking her only for her help in keeping very quiet,
"Because Mama needs to focus on bringing baby brother out and she needs quiet to concentrate...".

As we left the house at 10.11am, I texted Kishore's sister Geetha to please prep to pick up Lara from the hospital, and was grateful Kishore had the foresight to ask our gynae to prepare a letter for Geetha to show any police roadblocks between my in-laws' home in Subang Jaya and the hospital in Bangsar, this all happening under the Movement Control Order (MCO).

To Lara's credit, in the journey over to the hospital, she - probably sensing the gravity of the situation, sat very quietly in her seat at the back, and the silence was punctuated only by my occasional deep intakes of breath and some variation of my Ohmmm-like moans when the sensations were at their height.

By the time we got to Pantai Hospital at around 10.30am, my surges were strong enough I requested a wheelchair to assist me in getting to the labour ward, as I did not trust my own legs to support me... and Kishore would have to wait until Geetha had arrived to take Lara back to my in-laws' house before he himself could go up.

I slumped in the wheelchair and was wheeled up to the labour room with my eyes closed the whole time, trying to handle my surges.

I didn't even look up to see the attendant who pushed me... but did make the effort to thank him sincerely when he handed me over, with what seemed like a palpable sense of relief on his part, to the labour ward nurses.

The nurse attending me at Pantai was calm, steady and efficient. I answered some questions and changed into my labour gown while waiting for Kishore to come up, all the while managing the increasingly intense surges with my rusty Hypnobirthing breathing techniques.

By the time Kishore joined me at around 11am (I know these timings based on the timestamps of the 'WhatsApp live feed' of messages Kishore sent to his family), I was asking the nurse on duty, "How soon can I get an epidural??" thinking what crazy woman thought she could do this without drugs???!!!

The nurse checked my cervix dilation, I saw her bloodied glove indicating my mucous plug had dislodged, and she told me, "Well you are already at 7cm (which, for the uninitiated, is 70% of the way to the 10cm dilation needed for birthing), you are really doing well, if you made it this far without any drugs, if can you try and manage without it... I suspect within 2 hours or less you will deliver your baby and since it will take about that time for the anaesthesiologist to be called, epidural to be administered and kick in... it might all be for nothing... but of course the decision is completely up to you... "

So there I was, super torn, should I risk the sensations becoming worse... or risk the epidural becoming a waste?? And of course I was trying to decide this as my labour surges were coming at me stronger and stronger...

I was in such a dilemma...because as a 'recovering approval junkie' there was also a silly element of approval-seeking involved, ("The nurse thinks I can do this without drugs... maybe I CAN do this without drugs... Yay me!") mixed with that element of curiosity I mentioned earlier ("What if I actually CAN do this without drugs... plenty of other women have done it all over the world since time immemorial.. no big deal, how bad can it be...??") so then I thought I would use the financial aspect to be the 'tiebreaker' in my decision making...

I asked the nurse how much an epidural would cost and when she replied "Around MYR1.5k", I still remember Kishore's incredulous face as I asked the question, i.e."Seriously babe, you are gonna think about money right now? If you need the epidural TAKE IT, don't worry about the money!!!"... and while we are not rich by any stretch of the imagination, thankfully RM1.5k is not a quantum that made me swing towards a decision to "better save the money"...

So in the end, I guess my curiosity won out, and I turned down the epidural "just to see what it would be like and if I had it in me" (in addition of course to avoiding the side effects of any drugs introduced into my and the baby's body).

My labour occuring in the time of coronavirus, it was protocol for me to have a COVID19 test done, so the medical staff could apply the necessary precautions. I had heard from a friend Sharon Ruba that the test procedure was uncomfortable, so when the nurse came with the test kit as I was starting another surge, I asked, "Please can I just finish this surge before I do the test?" as I really didn't think I could multitask tackling multiple uncomfortable sensations in one go.

The COVID19 test involved what felt like a looong, skinny cotton bud being inserted into one nostril... I definitely felt more than a tickle as it went in and up, being told to take deep breaths by the nurse. Then she asked me to "Try to swallow" and I felt it go into my nasal cavities where I didn't think anything could go any further, but was proven wrong when she asked me to swallow again and the swab was probed even deeper. Then she warned me there would be some slight discomfort as she prepared to collect a sample... but at that point all I could think about was:

(i) I really don't have much of a choice
(ii) please let this be over before my next surge kicks in
(iii) if all the people breaking the MCO rules knew what it feels like to do this test maybe they won't put themselves at risk of the need to perform one...

In full disclosure as I was transferred into the actual delivery room at some point after 11am, another nurse offered me 'laughing gas' to ostensibly take some of the edge off... I took the self-operated breathing nozzle passed to me but don't recall it making any difference to my sensations..so didn't use it much as it seemed pretty pointless.

I recall some measure of relief when I heard my gynae Dr. Paul entering the room, greeting Kishore and me, and telling us it was going well and it wouldn't be long now and he would see us again shortly.

From my previous labour with Lara I knew the midwives pretty much take you 90% of the way through the labour and when the Dr is called in you are really at the home stretch, so was very relieved to hear his voice though knowing he would leave and come back later meant it wasn't quite over yet.

I do remember realising when I had crossed the Thinning and Opening Phase of labour to the Birthing Phase, by the change in sensations... it is still amazing to me that as the Hypnobirthing book mentioned, having this knowledge I was instinctively able to switch breathing techniques for the next stage of labour .

Was my opting against epidural the right choice for me?

Overall? Yes.

Don't get me wrong.

I *almost* regretted the decision several times during active labour... especially when I felt my body being taken over by an overwhelming compulsion to push that did not seem conscious and was accompanied by involuntary gutteral moans where I literally just thought to myself, "I surrender, God do with me what you will..." (super dramatic I know but VERY real at the time...).

I think I experienced 3-4 such natural explusive reflexes (?), rhythmically pushing the baby down the birth path, one of which was accompanied by what felt like a swoosh of water coming out of a hose with a diameter the size of a golf ball... this was when I realised my water had finally broken...

The nurses kept instructing me to do different things, to keep breathing, to move to my side, then to move to the middle, to raise my feet... and when I didn't comply, Kishore (who was with me throughout both my labours) tried to help them by repeating the instructions prefaced with "Sayang..." but I basically ignored all the intructions because I felt I had no capacity to direct any part of my body to do anything and someone else would have to physically manoeuvre that body part themselves.

When I heard Dr. Paul's voice again and the flurry of commotion surrounding his presence, I knew the time was close... and when I heard the nurse say to Kishore, "Sir, these are your gloves, for when you cut the baby's cord", it was music to my ears...

I'm very, VERY grateful Kiaen slid out after maybe the 4th of those involuntary pushes... the wave of RELIEF when he came out so quickly... it still boggles my mind that my mother was essentially right and as his birth time was 12.02pm, it was *only* about 1.5 hours between our arrival at the hospital and his arrival into the world.

Kiaen was placed on my chest for skin to skin bonding and remained there for a considerable time.

For our short stay in the hospital he would be with us in my maternity ward number C327... another trivially serendipitous sign for me because he was born on the 3rd (May) and our wedding anniversary is 27th (July).

I was discharged the following day 4th May at about 5.30pm, after I got an all clear on COVID19 and a paediatric surgeon did a small procedure on Kiaen to address a tongue-tie that would affect his breastfeeding latch... making the entire duration of our stay about 31 hours.

I have taken the time and effort to record all this down so that whenever life's challenges threaten to get me down I can remind myself, "Ignore the 97% failure probability, focus on the 3% success probability".

Also that the human condition is miraculous and it is such a privilege to experience it.

To our son Kiaen Aaryan, thank you for coming into our lives and choosing us as your parents.

Even though Papa and I are both zombies trying to settle into a night time feeding routine with you, I look forward to spending not only all future Mother's Days, but every day, with you and your Akka...

And last but not least, to my husband Kishore...without whom none of this would be possible - we did it sayang, I love you ❤️

Photo credit: Stayhome session with Samantha Yong Photography (http://samanthayong.com/)

【曲名 : メンヘラって神じゃね？】
↓音楽アプリで鬼リピしてね♡↓
ダウンロード : https://linkco.re/nUTrun5v

Music/Lyrics/Track/Mix/Mastered : たかやん (Takayan)
Twitter : https://twitter.com/takayan_gorizal
Instagram : https://www.instagram.com/takayan_gorizal
Soundcloud : https://soundcloud.com/takayan_gorizal

Illust : mano
Twitter : https://twitter.com/mano__aaa

【Lyrics】
ヘラる 生まれたくも無いのに生まれて 裏切られまくって
ヘラる おともだち欲しいから目元だけ写して自撮って

切る 自分に厳しい メンヘラは神
だけどそれ以上傷つけないで
生まれただけで素晴らしいんだって
理不尽な奴らには中指立てる

ヘラる 脳にしがみ付く元カレ
ヘラる つまらないのに愛想笑い
ヘラる 生きる意味が分からない
ぱおんだよ！ダルすぎてずっと自粛！

エナドリ 薬 OD スト缶でハイになって永遠に無理して体壊す
大丈夫だよ、かあちい目指すだけでかあちい
誰もが憧れる 「あのギャル」

皆、同じような目 だが天国
かまちょでも加減分かるなら良いよ
リスカは鍵垢でして欲しいよ
まぁどう生きようが君のふりーすたいる！
イラついたら君のサンドバックになりてぇな
常識無い害悪の退治 お疲れ様
一人じゃない！ 音り乗って 憂鬱さえも教えてな
「好き」を追う君は一番輝いてる！

元彼なんて後悔させようぜ。
愛想笑いでいいよ つまんないもんね
おっけい 生きる意味 誰も分かんねえ
都合良いだけの人じゃなくていいから
自分責めるくらいなら その原因に疑問を持って
また憂鬱が始まるよ 自分許して自由に歩こう

切る 自分に厳しい メンヘラは神
だけどそれ以上泣きすぎないで
生まれただけで素晴らしいんだって
嫌いな奴らには中指立てる

切る 自分に厳しい メンヘラは神
だけどそれ以上泣きすぎないで
生まれただけで素晴らしいんだって
嫌いな奴らには中指立てる

ほら、まだ生きれてる。
結局、自分の道進んでるから
さあ ごーいんおん いざぴえん
まだまだ ごーいんおん いざぴえん
足りない ごーいんおん いざぴえん
自分に勝つその日まで。


【English Lyrics】
("Menhera" mean is "ill girls" Japanese people called this.)

Ill, was born but not in your own purpose. Betrayed, always.
Ill, want to make friends and take selfies, only for half of the face.

Wrist cut, harsh to yourself, ill girls are god.
But please don't hurt yourself anymore.
"It's amazing to be born by".
Show your middle finger to those nonsense guy.

Ill, ex-boyfriend which clings in your brain.
Ill, bored but still give a fake smile.
Ill, don't even understand the meaning of living.
OMG, too dull that don't want to go out anymore.

Energy drink, drugs, overdose, alchahol, high as f*cked. Repeating forever, breaks the body.
Its fine, just want to be cute.
Become 'the girl' that everyone admires.

Everyone looks the same, but I like it.
Want to be loved, but not too much.
Want to upload wrist cuts to private accounts.
You have your freedom to decide how you live!
Wants to be your sandbag when you're irritated.
Kill harm who have no common sense, good job.
Not alone! Follow the rhythm and tell me about your depression.
Shines while you chase for your love!

Let's make your ex regret.
Give your fake smile, cuz live is boring.
OK, no one know about the meaning of living.
Don't have to be a yes-man.
Blame the cause rather than blame yourself.
Depression repeats, forgive yourself and live freely.

Wrist cut, harsh to yourself, ill girls are god.
But please don't cry too much.
"It's amazing to be born by".
Show your middle finger to those you hate.

Wrist cut, harsh to yourself, ill girls are god.
But please don't cry too much.
"It's amazing to be born by".
Show your middle finger to those you hate.

See? You're still alive.
After all, you are living with your own way.
Keep on, sob sob.
Still goes on, sob sob.
Not enough, sob sob.
Until the day you beat yourself.

It's officially Valentines Day over here in HONG KONG!!

Happy Valentines Day/ Forever Alone Day / Single Awareness Day ! Take your pick.

I decided to do something different this year. I'm not going to do a Valentines Day makeup tutorial because... well, Tim and I aren't doing anything special to be honest. Yup, it's our 10th Valentines Day together and we're cool about it.

I know some of you must be a bit bummed out about having no plans for the "most romantic day of the year". No fear because Bubz is here (HEY IT RHYMES!!!)

No, I've been meaning to make a Beauty Day video for a while. Some days when you're feeling extra pissed off or down, it's nice to put your feet up and pamper yourself. Am I right?

Ok, nobody in this world has time for an ENTIRE day of beauty but you guys get my drift right? Even if you don't have a few hours, give yourself a BEAUTY HOUR.

Beauty Day is FUN whether you're doing it alone or with friend(s). I felt so refreshed and fabulous afterwards. You have nowhere to go? Who cares! You can relax and pamper yourself with your own HOME BEAUTY SPA!

In this video, I demonstrated some possible beauty treatments you can do but there are so much more you can choose instead such as doing your brows, giving yourself a pedicure, a sheet mask, facial massage, DIY Beauty masks etc. You can do WHATEVER you want that makes you feel awesome baby!!! Strut in your home. Dance in your underwear (check to see curtains are shut first). Sing your heart out.

Maybe I'm just getting older now (and possibly more antisocial haha) but I am appreciating 'staying in' days. In fact, I am really craving a good board game... Who wants to play Monopoly? Game of Life? Going off topic now...

You can give yourself a beauty day whenever you're feeling down and need a little pampering or even whenever you're happy (and free hopefully and with time to burn). Sometimes we can get so carried away with life, we forget to take care of ourselves.

Perhaps you have a special event (like a prom or a date) and you want to prep yourself for it. BEAUTY DAY!!! Beauty day doesn't mean you have to do everything 'beauty related'. Do whatever that makes your heart happy whether its reading, getting creative or whatever it is.


Ok bed time!! Have a wonderful day guys!
Stay beautiful!

Much love, Bubz xx

Hello my strawberry kisses,

As requested, here is a video demonstrating how I style my everyday curls (also inspired by Jessica Jung from SNSD). Jessica always has the most softest looking curls ever. Her hair looks effortless it gives her such an elegant girly everyday look.

I filmed this quite a long time ago (you can probably tell from my wallpaper) and had been meaning to upload this video for a while now. I'm so sorry it took me so long to finally upload this guys.

You guys see me wear my hair like this in a lot in my videos. I love this hairstyle because it's suitable for the day time and night time. It looks very girly & soft and only takes me about 5 minutes to do. It looks pretty on it's own and makes a fantastic base hairstyle too. I'm not the type of girl who likes to spend too much time or use too much products when styling the hair so this hairstyle works great for me.

A lot of you ask what curling iron I use and I'm sorry to say it's a brand-less curling iron I picked up years ago in HK. It happens to be better than most of the branded curling irons I own =P

As for the hair primer I used, Living Proof is exclusively available at Livingproof and Sephora. You can visit any Sephora store for a free sample.

I've been testing this primer (kindly given to me by LivingProof) for quite a while now and I love how it makes my hair silky smooth but holds my curls amazingly well without making my hair feel 'crunchy' from styling products. My curls actually feel soft and bouncy making the hairstyle look more effortless and natural.



**The Giveaway**

- Enter your comment telling me 'Which celebrity's hairstyle you would love to have and why" in the comment section below and you will be entered into the giveaway draw where you could be one of the 3 winners to win a Living Proof Goodie bag containing a full size Prime extender, Straight spray, No Frizz Nourishing Cream and Mousse.

- The giveaway is open Internationally. You must be 16 or over (or have parent's consent). Winners will be chosen at random.

- The giveaway will last until 14th December 2013.

Thank you so much to LivingProof for sponsoring the lovely giveaway ^_^



Ok, I think it's time for me to call it a night. This gloomy rainy weather makes me feel extra tired. Anybody else feeling the same?

I had the MAMA on the background while I was doing my work and it was SO HARD to concentrate because I was totally dancing on my chair (which is actually a good thing working up a sweat). I can't wait to dive into bed with a good book afterwards.

HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEKEND EVERYBODY!!

Much love, Bubz xx

_______________

Check out the Bubzbeauty website. A place for Beauty, Life, innovation and Inspiration:
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