【哎、現在年輕人英文 email 寫得亂七八糟...!?】
這句話是到很多大企業時,HR Head 或是管理階層最常跟我抱怨的一件事情。
大學教育不重視、在很少練習英文寫作的狀況下,又要碰到「精簡」、「專業」、「有禮貌」的 business email,多數人都像是開著拼裝車用 150 km / hr 的速度在五楊高架上奔馳,隨時都會崩解。
再加上英語教學、出版界,很喜歡探討開頭要用 Dear 還是 Hi、用 Sincerely yours 會不會太正式這種騙讚的雞毛蒜皮議題,我常覺得:「這像是一部車都還沒有輪胎、就一直在討論要買椅子要用真皮還是合成皮,根本對學習無濟於事。」
上上禮拜,我給語用力課程學生看了一個網民,如何在知名心理學家、賓州大學教授 Angela Duckworth 的臉書上用不適當的方式留言跟她「詢問」某項業務。
當週我給他們的作業是:把我當成 Prof. Angela Duckworth,寫一封 email 給我。想想要怎樣表達、怎樣寫比較合適。 我收到了總共超過 30 封的 email。
改完作業後的下個禮拜,我一進教室就說:「你們班大概只有 3 個人會收到 Dr. Duckworth 的回覆。」
✔︎ 得不到回覆的 email 都有一個現象:
讀完不知道主旨是什麼、email 裡沒有在前面 1/4 的地方,有一句很清楚的主旨句,表達 email 要達成什麼目的、希望收到的人要考量什麼事情。
也許是因為受到中文寫作結構的影響,常常
(1) 為了有禮貌,最後隱晦到不知道重點是什麼
(2) 喜歡在文章中後段放一個大煙火,很晚才進入重點內容。
但我說:
「 Hey, email is meant to be short and sweet. Dr. Duckworth 一天可能要收 500 封 email,在兼顧 clarity、politeness 之餘,她要一眼能找到你要她幹嘛的那個句子。
通常這個句子長這樣:
✔︎ I am writing this email to....
✔︎ The purpose of this email is to...
✔︎ The reason why I'm writing this email is to...
✔︎ I am, therefore, wondering if it is possible for me...
✔︎ The reason why I....is that....
然後你要很清楚地用文字跟對方解釋,如果她對這個提案感興趣,她可以怎麼做,減少被提案者的思考成本。
不是送她一個 Look forward to hearing from you. Thank you so much. 而已。
但與其說「現在年輕人英文 email 寫得亂七八糟」我會說「現在的人英文 email 寫得亂七八糟」。但抱怨沒用,捲起袖子一起解決問題吧!
同時也有10000部Youtube影片,追蹤數超過2,910的網紅コバにゃんチャンネル,也在其Youtube影片中提到,...
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各位,生成器也許已沒有用了。選管會一天就收到4500封電郵。看來,大家炸他電郵還是有點用的。
以下乃沈大師言為「內部AO提供範本」。的確是官話文章,請先仔細閱讀,才選擇是否發出電郵吧。
你還有5小時。
请广传,好人一生平安。
[#官方資訊] 早前分享了一位高級政務官朋友就《逃犯條例》爭議的感受,得到數千轉載,迴響十分熱烈,也有不少公務員私訊回應。本頁對象一直以黃藍以外的專業人士為主,雖然平日只分享國際視野資訊,但在關鍵時刻,也希望為一些平日對社會抽離的朋友,提供更多資訊參考。以下是我的另一位AO朋友擔心局勢惡化,希望以自己的方式真正為特區政府服務,因此以私人身份草擬的意見書,回應特區政府選舉管理委員會關於區議會選舉的官方諮詢,並使用了完美官僚理據、格式和文法,就DQ候選人提供了詳細意見。根據官方資訊,《逃犯條例》收到4500份意見書,其中3000份「贊成」,因此發出意見書並非毫無價值。這位AO表示,大家可以直接使用這格式,根據個人觀點加減內容直接電郵遞交,因為香港人大家都忙,這過程只需一分鐘,應該最符合成本效益。截止日期是7月10日或之前,請廣傳,好人一生平安。
10 July 2019
Chairman
Electoral Affairs Commission (EAC)
By Email: eacenq@eac.hk
Dear Chairman,
Public consultation on District Council Election proposed guidelines
I write to object to Chapter 3 of the Proposed Guidelines, as it gives Government an unjust, unfair, and unchecked power to disqualify any candidate during the nomination period by reason of Government’s own political motives.
Chapter 3.1 of the Proposed Guidelines says that : “Under the law, the validity of a candidate’s nomination is to be determined by the Returning Officer (RO). The EAC is neither empowered nor involved in the making of such decision and would not provide any advice on the decision made by the RO”.
Chapter 3.9(b) of the Proposed Guidelines describes the requirement by which a candidate must declare (through signing a “Confirmation Form” by the EAC) that he would uphold the Basic Law and pledge allegiance to the HKSAR.
It is totally unclear whether a Confirmation Form duly signed by a candidate is itself sufficient to discharge the candidate’s duty to declare his willingness to uphold the Basic Law and pledge allegiance to the HKSAR when he is elected to the office.
Previous elections showed that an RO, who was a civil servant (pitched at Administrative Officer Staff Grade C / District Officer) appointed to the role of RO prior to the election, could make subjective and arbitrary judgment about a candidate’s state of mind and political orientation, with selective reference to some or a few past writings, speeches, statements, expression of opinions, posts in social media platforms in relation to the candidate, instead of merely looking at a Confirmation Form duly signed.
I find it outrageous to see that Ms. Anne Teng, then District Officer (Eastern) appointed to the role of RO in a legislative council by-election last year, could refuse to acknowledge a confirmation form signed by Miss Agnes Chow Ting and disqualify her, citing absurd and arbitrary reasons with reference to some of Miss Chow’s previous remarks or those of her political party, and without giving Miss Chow a fair opportunity to respond to those reasons uttered unreasonably by the RO.
The Proposed Guidelines shows that the EAC has failed its duty to introduce any additional safeguard or measures to plug this unreasonable, unlawful and unconstitutional loophole, which may still be freely exploited by any RO in the next election driven by bad faith and political motive.
It is unacceptable that the EAC could confess that it is “neither empowered nor involved in the making of such decision and would not provide any advice on the decision made by the RO” (Chapter 3.1). I question how the EAC can still “ensure that an election is conducted openly, fairly and honestly at all times” – its statutory duty enshrined in the Electoral Affairs Commission Ordinance - when it is not involved in scrutinising or monitoring the exercise of an RO’s power in disqualifying any candidate at the RO’s own political preference.
The Guidelines did not describe in detail how an RO could, on his or her own, research during the short nomination period the political belief and past sayings of any candidate. The Guidelines are also silent as to whether the RO would have received biased or secret advice from any agency such as Department of Justice, Constitutional and Mainland Affairs Bureau, Home Affairs Department, Information Services Department, etc., which may have compiled a detailed recollection of a candidate’s previous remarks in advance. It was suggested by some that such a compilation of speech or opinion records prepared by any agency other than the RO could have assisted the RO unlawfully in reaching a dangerous disqualification decision to deprive a candidate of the right to stand for the election.
I must remind the EAC that the right to stand for election is a fundamental right guaranteed under the Basic Law and the Hong Kong Bill of Rights. The United Nations Human Rights Committee’s General Comment 25 also states that “political opinion may not be used as a ground to deprive any person of the right to stand for election.”
I am disappointed to see that the proposed Guidelines have not offered anything substantive to protect a candidate from the RO’s unlawful interference in the election by disqualifying candidates he or she dislikes. The EAC must look at this carefully to see what it can do.
The current remedy about determining the lawfulness of an RO’s disqualification decision through an election petition to be adjudicated later by the court one or two years after the actual election is totally unsatisfactory, with the lapse of time which delays the timely delivery of a just outcome.
I stress that I object to Chapter 3 of the Proposed Guidelines in its entirety. I urge you to review all the processes described in Chapter 3 again and independently. In so doing, you must resist all political considerations wrongly dictated by the Chief Executive, Constitutional and Mainland Affairs Bureau, Department of Justice, or other government agency seeking to disturb the fairness and integrity of the forthcoming district council election.
Yours sincerely,
XXXX
更新:有熱心網友翻譯為中文版,並對原文作出修訂,請隨便share/修改:
10 July 2019
選舉管理委員會主席 鈞啓
選舉管理委員會主席鈞鑒: 關於區議會選舉活動建議指引公眾諮詢事宜
本人謹致函對建議指引第三章表達反對意見。建議指引第三章將賦予政府不公平、不公正以及不被箝制的權力,容許政府於提名階段取消香港市民的參選資格,以迎合政府自身的政治目的。
建議指引第三章第一部分(3.1)指:「根據法例,候選人的提名是否有效 ,完全是由選舉主任作出決定,選管會無權並一向沒有參與, 亦不會給予任何意見。」
建議指引第三章3.9(b) 要求候選人透過簽署選管會擬備的確認書表明他/她擁護《基本法》並保證對香港特別行政區效忠。
至於候選人是否能夠簽署確認書就能滿足擁護《基本法》並保證對香港特別行政區效忠的要求,建議指引對此完全沒有清晰交代。
過往選舉顯示,首長級丙級政務官/民政事務專員級別的公務員於選舉前獲委任為選舉主任,便能夠就候選人的思緒及政治取向作出主觀且隨意獨斷的決定,並只需揀選候選人往日曾經發表的文章、言論、宣言、意見表達、社交媒體帖文以及社交媒體專頁發佈關於對候選人的帖文穿鑿附會,當作輔證,而非僅以候選人是否有簽署確認書為單獨基礎作判斷。
去年立法會補選,時任東區民政事務專員鄧如欣獲委任為選舉主任,居然拒絕周庭小姐簽署的確認書,以周庭小姐及其所屬政黨昔日的言論去佐證選舉主任荒唐的理由,去褫奪周庭小姐的參選資格,並且沒有給予周庭小姐公平機會回應選舉主任的無理指控,實在令人憤慨。
由建議指引可見,選舉管理委員會並無引入任何措施或保障,去堵塞上述不合理、不合法、不合憲的漏洞。今後選舉主任依然可以使用此漏洞,依據其個人的政治目的或理念,惡意褫奪任何香港市民的參選資格。
選舉管理委員會於第三章第一部分(3.1)指:「根據法例,候選人的提名是否有效 ,完全是由選舉主任作出決定,選管會無權並一向沒有參與, 亦不會給予任何意見。」此點完全不可接受。當選舉管理委員會對選舉主任按其個人政治取向褫奪候選人參選資格的權力不作任何箝制、監察或審查, 又能如何履行其法定職責,「確保在香港舉行的選舉是以公開、公平和誠實的方式進行」呢?
建議指引並無對選舉主任如何可於短促的提名期內研究並審查任何候選人的政治理念及昔日言論有任何著墨。 建議指引亦未有論及選舉主任會否收到其他機構的秘密意見或者偏頗意見。上述的其他機構,例如律政司、內地及政制事務局、民政事務總署或政府新聞處等,可能預先詳細記錄相關候選人的昔日言論。據悉,上述由第三方準備的詳細記錄可能不合法地導致選舉主任作出褫奪候選人選舉資格的危險決定。
本人必須提醒選舉管理委員會,被選舉權是獲香港基本法及香港人權法案保障的基本權利。聯合國人權事務委員會第25號一般性意見亦指出:「不得以政治見解為由剝奪任何人參加競選的權利。」
本人對建議指引並未就保障候選人不被選舉主任按其個人喜惡褫奪資格,防止選舉主任非法干預選舉採取任何措施深感失望。選舉管理委員會必須詳細檢視自己對上述問題有何解決方法。
就選舉主任褫奪參選資格的合法性,目前透過選舉呈請,並於選舉完結一兩年後由法庭裁決的安排實在強差人意。當中所耗的時間令公義遲來。
本人對建議指引第三章完全反對。本人懇求主席重新並獨立審視第三章所包含的所有程序。在重新審視的時候,懇請閣下撇除並抗拒所有政治考量,尤其是來自行政長官、政制及事務內地局、律政司及其他政府機構企圖干預未來區議會選舉的誠信和公平性的政治考量。
敬祝 鈞安 XXXXXXXX 敬上
2019年7月9日
sincerely yours中文 在 Kai Chi Leung 梁啟智 Facebook 的最佳貼文
學習官僚語言其實好緊要
[#官方資訊] 早前分享了一位高級政務官朋友就《逃犯條例》爭議的感受,得到數千轉載,迴響十分熱烈,也有不少公務員私訊回應。本頁對象一直以黃藍以外的專業人士為主,雖然平日只分享國際視野資訊,但在關鍵時刻,也希望為一些平日對社會抽離的朋友,提供更多資訊參考。以下是我的另一位AO朋友擔心局勢惡化,希望以自己的方式真正為特區政府服務,因此以私人身份草擬的意見書,回應特區政府選舉管理委員會關於區議會選舉的官方諮詢,並使用了完美官僚理據、格式和文法,就DQ候選人提供了詳細意見。根據官方資訊,《逃犯條例》收到4500份意見書,其中3000份「贊成」,因此發出意見書並非毫無價值。這位AO表示,大家可以直接使用這格式,根據個人觀點加減內容直接電郵遞交,因為香港人大家都忙,這過程只需一分鐘,應該最符合成本效益。截止日期是7月10日或之前,請廣傳,好人一生平安。
10 July 2019
Chairman
Electoral Affairs Commission (EAC)
By Email: eacenq@eac.hk
Dear Chairman,
Public consultation on District Council Election proposed guidelines
I write to object to Chapter 3 of the Proposed Guidelines, as it gives Government an unjust, unfair, and unchecked power to disqualify any candidate during the nomination period by reason of Government’s own political motives.
Chapter 3.1 of the Proposed Guidelines says that : “Under the law, the validity of a candidate’s nomination is to be determined by the Returning Officer (RO). The EAC is neither empowered nor involved in the making of such decision and would not provide any advice on the decision made by the RO”.
Chapter 3.9(b) of the Proposed Guidelines describes the requirement by which a candidate must declare (through signing a “Confirmation Form” by the EAC) that he would uphold the Basic Law and pledge allegiance to the HKSAR.
It is totally unclear whether a Confirmation Form duly signed by a candidate is itself sufficient to discharge the candidate’s duty to declare his willingness to uphold the Basic Law and pledge allegiance to the HKSAR when he is elected to the office.
Previous elections showed that an RO, who was a civil servant (pitched at Administrative Officer Staff Grade C / District Officer) appointed to the role of RO prior to the election, could make subjective and arbitrary judgment about a candidate’s state of mind and political orientation, with selective reference to some or a few past writings, speeches, statements, expression of opinions, posts in social media platforms in relation to the candidate, instead of merely looking at a Confirmation Form duly signed.
I find it outrageous to see that Ms. Anne Teng, then District Officer (Eastern) appointed to the role of RO in a legislative council by-election last year, could refuse to acknowledge a confirmation form signed by Miss Agnes Chow Ting and disqualify her, citing absurd and arbitrary reasons with reference to some of Miss Chow’s previous remarks or those of her political party, and without giving Miss Chow a fair opportunity to respond to those reasons uttered unreasonably by the RO.
The Proposed Guidelines shows that the EAC has failed its duty to introduce any additional safeguard or measures to plug this unreasonable, unlawful and unconstitutional loophole, which may still be freely exploited by any RO in the next election driven by bad faith and political motive.
It is unacceptable that the EAC could confess that it is “neither empowered nor involved in the making of such decision and would not provide any advice on the decision made by the RO” (Chapter 3.1). I question how the EAC can still “ensure that an election is conducted openly, fairly and honestly at all times” – its statutory duty enshrined in the Electoral Affairs Commission Ordinance - when it is not involved in scrutinising or monitoring the exercise of an RO’s power in disqualifying any candidate at the RO’s own political preference.
The Guidelines did not describe in detail how an RO could, on his or her own, research during the short nomination period the political belief and past sayings of any candidate. The Guidelines are also silent as to whether the RO would have received biased or secret advice from any agency such as Department of Justice, Constitutional and Mainland Affairs Bureau, Home Affairs Department, Information Services Department, etc., which may have compiled a detailed recollection of a candidate’s previous remarks in advance. It was suggested by some that such a compilation of speech or opinion records prepared by any agency other than the RO could have assisted the RO unlawfully in reaching a dangerous disqualification decision to deprive a candidate of the right to stand for the election.
I must remind the EAC that the right to stand for election is a fundamental right guaranteed under the Basic Law and the Hong Kong Bill of Rights. The United Nations Human Rights Committee’s General Comment 25 also states that “political opinion may not be used as a ground to deprive any person of the right to stand for election.”
I am disappointed to see that the proposed Guidelines have not offered anything substantive to protect a candidate from the RO’s unlawful interference in the election by disqualifying candidates he or she dislikes. The EAC must look at this carefully to see what it can do.
The current remedy about determining the lawfulness of an RO’s disqualification decision through an election petition to be adjudicated later by the court one or two years after the actual election is totally unsatisfactory, with the lapse of time which delays the timely delivery of a just outcome.
I stress that I object to Chapter 3 of the Proposed Guidelines in its entirety. I urge you to review all the processes described in Chapter 3 again and independently. In so doing, you must resist all political considerations wrongly dictated by the Chief Executive, Constitutional and Mainland Affairs Bureau, Department of Justice, or other government agency seeking to disturb the fairness and integrity of the forthcoming district council election.
Yours sincerely,
XXXX
更新:有熱心網友翻譯為中文版,並對原文作出修訂,請隨便share/修改:
10 July 2019
選舉管理委員會主席 鈞啓
選舉管理委員會主席鈞鑒: 關於區議會選舉活動建議指引公眾諮詢事宜
本人謹致函對建議指引第三章表達反對意見。建議指引第三章將賦予政府不公平、不公正以及不被箝制的權力,容許政府於提名階段取消香港市民的參選資格,以迎合政府自身的政治目的。
建議指引第三章第一部分(3.1)指:「根據法例,候選人的提名是否有效 ,完全是由選舉主任作出決定,選管會無權並一向沒有參與, 亦不會給予任何意見。」
建議指引第三章3.9(b) 要求候選人透過簽署選管會擬備的確認書表明他/她擁護《基本法》並保證對香港特別行政區效忠。
至於候選人是否能夠簽署確認書就能滿足擁護《基本法》並保證對香港特別行政區效忠的要求,建議指引對此完全沒有清晰交代。
過往選舉顯示,首長級丙級政務官/民政事務專員級別的公務員於選舉前獲委任為選舉主任,便能夠就候選人的思緒及政治取向作出主觀且隨意獨斷的決定,並只需揀選候選人往日曾經發表的文章、言論、宣言、意見表達、社交媒體帖文以及社交媒體專頁發佈關於對候選人的帖文穿鑿附會,當作輔證,而非僅以候選人是否有簽署確認書為單獨基礎作判斷。
去年立法會補選,時任東區民政事務專員鄧如欣獲委任為選舉主任,居然拒絕周庭小姐簽署的確認書,以周庭小姐及其所屬政黨昔日的言論去佐證選舉主任荒唐的理由,去褫奪周庭小姐的參選資格,並且沒有給予周庭小姐公平機會回應選舉主任的無理指控,實在令人憤慨。
由建議指引可見,選舉管理委員會並無引入任何措施或保障,去堵塞上述不合理、不合法、不合憲的漏洞。今後選舉主任依然可以使用此漏洞,依據其個人的政治目的或理念,惡意褫奪任何香港市民的參選資格。
選舉管理委員會於第三章第一部分(3.1)指:「根據法例,候選人的提名是否有效 ,完全是由選舉主任作出決定,選管會無權並一向沒有參與, 亦不會給予任何意見。」此點完全不可接受。當選舉管理委員會對選舉主任按其個人政治取向褫奪候選人參選資格的權力不作任何箝制、監察或審查, 又能如何履行其法定職責,「確保在香港舉行的選舉是以公開、公平和誠實的方式進行」呢?
建議指引並無對選舉主任如何可於短促的提名期內研究並審查任何候選人的政治理念及昔日言論有任何著墨。 建議指引亦未有論及選舉主任會否收到其他機構的秘密意見或者偏頗意見。上述的其他機構,例如律政司、內地及政制事務局、民政事務總署或政府新聞處等,可能預先詳細記錄相關候選人的昔日言論。據悉,上述由第三方準備的詳細記錄可能不合法地導致選舉主任作出褫奪候選人選舉資格的危險決定。
本人必須提醒選舉管理委員會,被選舉權是獲香港基本法及香港人權法案保障的基本權利。聯合國人權事務委員會第25號一般性意見亦指出:「不得以政治見解為由剝奪任何人參加競選的權利。」
本人對建議指引並未就保障候選人不被選舉主任按其個人喜惡褫奪資格,防止選舉主任非法干預選舉採取任何措施深感失望。選舉管理委員會必須詳細檢視自己對上述問題有何解決方法。
就選舉主任褫奪參選資格的合法性,目前透過選舉呈請,並於選舉完結一兩年後由法庭裁決的安排實在強差人意。當中所耗的時間令公義遲來。
本人對建議指引第三章完全反對。本人懇求主席重新並獨立審視第三章所包含的所有程序。在重新審視的時候,懇請閣下撇除並抗拒所有政治考量,尤其是來自行政長官、政制及事務內地局、律政司及其他政府機構企圖干預未來區議會選舉的誠信和公平性的政治考量。
敬祝 鈞安 XXXXXXXX 敬上
2019年7月9日
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