《我的幸福5/2 週末》
*週日下午兩點誠品信義書店「廿世紀典範人物」新書分享會,我下午二時開始演講,離上次在台灣大學公開演説。快半年了!分享會報名一小時預告已額滿,但TVBS電視台慷慨的支持。派出SNG車,屆時TVBS文茜的世界周報YouTube 及世界周報Facebook 都將同步直播。
*新書分享會後我將直奔高雄衛武營,參加劉孟捷(李斯特巡禮之年)鋼琴獨奏會。這是劉孟捷回台,最重要的一場音樂會,我目睹他用盡了一切心力。過去即使21歲時在費城代打缺席大師的音樂會,劉孟捷都未曾如此緊張。他此次回台,手術前為了沒有遺憾,共舉行三場音樂會:其中4/17與5/30皆是與國家交響樂團NSO合作:530那一場指揮是呂紹嘉。但他告訴我,某些曲目對他而言,是Piece of Cake :惟獨衞武營這一場,曲目由他自己決定,現場錄影,並且找了金曲獎錄音師同步錄音。
5/2衛武營-劉孟捷鋼琴獨奏會《李斯特巡禮之年》購票連結
https://www.opentix.life/event/1384752689074294784
劉夢捷明白他即將面對一個大手術,手術風險之外,他的免疫系統疾病,將使他的康復之路更長。
沒有人可以預知未來,為了圓他的夢,醫院每天都要求他早上、晚上量血壓,報告直接傳給院長。振興醫院院長魏崢雖然是亞洲第一把心臟外科醫師,但也不敢大意。
畢竟這個人的生命那麼脆弱,他的心臟主動脈剝離,那是實質的「心碎」了:但他仍有詩,仍有音樂夢。在生命的交接處,在白日與黑夜的交义口,劉孟捷想為他的音樂生涯,留下最美好的紀錄。
他選擇了李斯特。
在這場音樂會前,他甚至以英文寫下了自己與音樂、疾病的半生回顧:如李斯特的巡禮,有仰望,有沉思,有失落,有幽微的疼痛。他以詩篇般的演奏模式,傾訴,詠嘆。他曾得到天賦,也走過死蔭的幽谷。命運是一層又一層的黑影逼近,老天爺隨時想帶走他。
而他已不再流淚,不再沉浸於悲愴告別:因為對他而言活著並不容易,他要讓自己更深刻的抓住每一分時光之美。
如果時間和空間,正如哲人們所形容的
都是不實際存在的東西:那從不感到衰敗的太陽,也不會比我們了不起多少!
他如艾略特的詩句中所形容的:我們為什麼要如此貪心總在祈禱,想活上整整一個世紀?
蝴蝶雖僅活了一天,已經歷了永恆。
當他的身軀如露水還在藤蔓顫抖時,他送給我們一場「完全浪漫又超技的李斯特」。
等音樂會結束了,至少有一張CD,一段YouTube 影像:不論孟捷代表生命的那朵鮮花是否枯萎,他彈奏如天使的音聲不會飛離,它會停留在那夜,繼續釋放芬芳。
這是盡生命之力、之情獨奏的音樂會。劉孟捷説:這樣當他走進手術室時,會少一點悲傷。
或許快樂的日子本來就不多,但讓這場「完全李斯特.完全劉孟捷」的獨奏會放出神聖的光彩吧!
我必將赴會,不會錯過!我知道此刻的獨奏會,很難複製,因為它綜合了太多的情感、愛念,釋放與生命的抒情。
*劉孟捷為此次獨奏會寫下的文字:This past year has seen some unprecedented changes in the world. Many lives have been lost and many have changed. The world has changed while many of us confront the uncertainty of the future.
For most musicians, life has changed. For months, we have been conducting our lessons online, and concerts have mostly stopped or become an online experience as well. More time has been spent learning how to improve the online teaching experience than one could have imagined. While I have felt the duty to continue teaching, the format the pandemic requires for teaching leaves me unwilling to spend more time than I have to.
And truly, I have had other things to deal with. When the pandemic started to worry the American public in March, I was in the middle of a tour with the String Quartet-in-Residence at Curtis, the Vera Quartet. However, our concerts were canceled, and everything came to a sudden halt.
I felt the universe had sent me an unexpected gift, as I had also just received some terrible news concerning my worsening aortic arches and a diagnosis of kidney cancer. The sudden halt in my professional schedule seemed perfect in its timing. I was able to settle into a monastic existence, to simply practice and attempt to heal.
I see many musicians itching to be concertizing again, and many stepped into new territory, performing on the internet. Many took time to develop new podcasts, and to write new materials for their art. Sadly, many have struggled as they have fallen into desperation without any concert incomes. Altogether the music industry seems to be in peril, and many worry about how music and musicians will survive.
However, I had my own survival to think about. Having been through many difficult experiences in my life, I knew this might be the most difficult I would encounter. My Doctors describe me as a walking time bomb. My condition could be lethal at any moment if my blood pressure gets out of control. So while others wrestle with the fate of the music industry, I’ve needed to face my own fate and mortality.
Playing concerts can mean many things to people. At different times throughout my life, I’ve felt the need to express different aspects of myself. When I was young, I wanted to embody the spirit of romanticism, playing lots of Chopin and Schumann. Then there was a period of time when I wanted to challenge myself by showing off pyrotechnics. I had a brooding period where I turned to the pathos of Rachmaninoff, and then felt the need to return to the purity of Schubert and nobility of Brahms. Throughout this pandemic, I wanted to play Bach. Through Bach’s music I found a kind of spiritual sanctuary.
In considering the program for this concert, I felt again the urge to play music that reflects my current feelings and state of mind. The title of today’s recital, “Years of Pilgrimage” seems to fit exactly what I am experiencing.
Liszt wrote several volumes of “Années de pèlerinage” throughout his life to reflect on thoughts he had during his travels. He links his philosophical thoughts to the scenery which inspired them. “Au Bord d’un Source” describes feelings of rejuvenation while standing next to a clear stream of water, a symbol and source of life and energy. It seems to say, when the stream is so pure, life can be so full of joy.
In the Les jeux d'eaux à la Villa d'Este (The Fountains of the Villa d'Este), the water has a magical and supernatural quality, as Liszt himself wrote in the inscription: "But the water that I shall give him shall become in him a well of water springing up into eternal life,"( from the Gospel of John.)
For me, I have never felt more connected to Liszt than when he looked upon the valley of Obermann and questioned the meaning of existence. At this moment in my life, I often find myself reflecting my experiences of what I see and read into philosophical musings. Perhaps many people come to a time when this is so.
In all this I have felt gratitude for the love stories and sonnets that one can romantically indulge in, and for storms so violent that they threaten to destroy one’s spirit, even the hell-bound journey which brings up questions about the purpose of life…
On this journey, I felt full and alive as a human being. Looking back on this journey, I am grateful for everything, whether happy or sad, to have made an impact, found and imparted meaning to this life.
The unusual time of this pandemic has marked a milestone for me. I have journeyed back home, and as it happened, this is the first time I have spent so much time in my hometown Kaohsiung in over 35 years. It’s particularly nostalgic to play these pieces as some of them were significant in my early musical career. Vallée d’Obermann was the piece I played in my first competition at the junior high school level, in which I won first prize on the national level, which allowed me to be qualified to apply for a special permission to study abroad. This meant my dream to be educated as a musician could be continued in an environment where I could develop fully. In the following year when I was 13, I won the first Asia-Pacific Youth PIano Competition with the Dante Sonata. The competition catapulted me into national attention as I was headlined in several newspapers, and especially since it was held in Kaohsiung, I became a local hero as well. During the same event, I had a fateful meeting with one of the important influences in my life, Mr. Gary Graffman, who then mentored me throughout not only the years when I was studying at Curtis, but throughout my illness and recovery as a pianist. Right before I departed to study in Philadelphia, I played my first solo recital throughout Taiwan, and along with the Dante Sonata, I also performed the three sonnets.
It’s perfect that now, back in Kaohsiung, all these memories have flooded back into my head. I feel so lucky to have been born here, and to have met my first teacher, Chin-Li Lee, who inspired me on the path to become a musician. Prof. Alexander Sung filled me with dreams of becoming an artist. I am grateful for his belief in my talent, when he chose to give a 12 year old such philosophical pieces to play.
Having once again spent some months in Kaohsiung, I can freshly appreciate the source of inspiration it once was for me. I have returned to the source to heal. Having already glimpsed hell’s gate several times, battered and weathered by the storms of life, I know there is a reason life is this way, and it all will be alright.
Meng-Chieh Liu
April, 2021
*劉孟捷衛武營《李斯特巡禮之年》演奏會中,包括李斯特以佩脫拉克三首情詩譜寫的鋼琴琴詩:這三首情詩是從大詩人佩脫拉克一百多首情詩挑出來的,詩本身就很優美,依此激發李斯特的浪漫主義創作靈感,成為琴藝上最困難演奏,但也特別細膩溫柔的琴詩。
這三首分別是:
〈佩脫拉克第47號十四行詩〉〈佩脫拉克第104號十四行詩〉及〈佩脫拉克第123號十四行詩〉。
Franz Liszt(1811-1886): Sonetto 47 del Petrarca, Sonetto 104 del Petrarca, Sonetto 123 del Petrarca, from Années de pèlerinage, Deuxième année: Italie
李斯特於1846年先出版藝術歌曲《三首佩脫拉克十四行詩》(Tre sonetti del Petrarca),再改成鋼琴獨奏版。
三首佩脫拉克十四行詩
中譯:焦元溥(元溥也是友情贊助,特別準備音樂資料,周日南下,聆賞劉孟捷的樂曲,並且陪同他盯著錄音共三天)
〈第47〉
祝福每天、每月、每年,
所有片刻與鐘點、時間與季節,
在那美麗的原野,
我為一雙眼眸魂縈夢牽。
祝福初遇時的甜,
與愛同在、受苦不停歇,
如弓箭刺穿令我淌血,
傷口永留感動在我心間。
祝福一切我發出的聲音,
當呼喚著我深愛的女郎,
渴望、嘆息、淚濕滿襟。
祝福我寫下的文字遠揚,
歌頌她的芳名,萬古長新。
我心永屬於她,無人能闖。
〈第104〉
我找不到和平,也無意打仗,
我恐懼、我期望,燃燒又冰透。
我向天飛升,卻躺在地上,
我一無所有,卻又擁抱整個宇宙。
我身陷囹圄,監牢又開敞;
我不受囚禁,卻銬著鎖頭。
愛情不讓我死,也不讓我飛翔;
不要我活,也不准我逃離悲愁。
欲看卻無眼,啞口還在發言,
我甘心殞滅,卻仍高聲呼救,
我痛恨自己,但仍愛著他人。
憂傷滋潤我,淚水伴隨笑臉,
生命不足惜,死亡也不煩憂;
我淪落至此,都是妳啊,我的愛人!
〈第123〉
我在塵世見到仙子的美,
她天堂般優雅無與倫比。
想起她讓我悲傷又歡喜,
所見如幻夢迷霧與幽黑。
妳的可愛眼睛使我落淚,
多少次讓太陽也要妒忌。
我還聽到四周發出嘆息,
移動了山嶽停止了河水。
愛情智慧憐憫憂傷財富,
在淚水中形成甜美聲響,
奇妙和諧世上未曾目睹。
天堂追隨著音樂的流淌,
雖然枝上樹葉並未飛舞,
空氣與風息卻充滿芬芳。
5/2衛武營-劉孟捷鋼琴獨奏會《李斯特巡禮之年》購票連結
https://www.opentix.life/event/1384752689074294784
一片樹葉不會枯萎 在 天堂島嶼.撒哈拉.蔡適任 Facebook 的最讚貼文
【彎腰低頭看見大地】
趁今天難得天空不再霧濛濛,趕緊幫樹拍一張照!
照片上這棵尤加利樹是我們在去年一月種的,那時每隔一兩個月,我們就得為了家族土地訴訟,進城上法院,我想改寫這趟進城之旅的意義,便在途中前往專業園圃購買樹苗回沙漠種植,如此一來,進城不再是為了幫家族打土地官司,而是我自己的樹苗購買之旅,開心!
這棵樹苗跟屋頂一樣高了,我那時想買大一點的樹,想試試看能否在民宿院子裡種活.前兩三個月,在我悉心照顧下,狀況其實還算不錯,怎知三月中之後,民宿開始整修,我擔心樹苗因工程而死亡,一直叮嚀貝桑要工班小心,不要傷到樹,貝桑要我安心,肯定沒問題!
哪知,貝桑跟工班超沒概念,在院子裡鋪上扁平石塊跟水泥,留給樹的空間很小,讓我很頭痛!但是又不可能敲掉,他們的毫無意識讓我有不祥預感,就在我愈來愈擔心的時候,突然發現這幾棵尤加利樹狀況不對,樹葉竟然開始乾枯捲曲,我很緊張,趕緊拍照,PO到臉書問人,幸好有熱心臉友幫我介紹樹專家,他要我拍些細部照,提供他更多判斷的依據,後來發現應該是土壤出問題,我仔細檢查,差點昏倒!貝桑跟工班竟然把蓋土牆剩下的建土給鋪在尤加利樹根一帶,這種土壤一遇到水,相當黏稠,乾了之後,跟石頭一樣硬,所以可以當建材,卻不適合植物生長,他們沒想到土質特性,就這樣「好心」把建土給覆蓋上去,然後我的尤加利樹們便開始枯萎了!
為此,我對貝桑發了好大一頓脾氣!氣死我了!
我盡量把土鬆開,但已經有點太遲了,後來我長達五個月不在沙漠,想也知道貝桑跟他姪子不會費心照顧,偶爾澆澆水而已.等我回來,原本種的幾棵尤加利樹,只有這棵碩果僅存,但狀況很淒慘,是還活著啦,但就是努力掙扎著不死去的狀態,讓我很難過,不免想著,是不是乾脆挖掉,重種一棵?
後來決定照顧這棵樹直到他自然死去,要替換再說.
雖然知道土質對於植物狀況良好與否,至為關鍵,但沙漠實在沒啥養分可以提供,肥料是完全買不到的,種種因素讓我不方便用蔬菜果皮做堆肥而且緩不濟急,唯一的肥料是羊大便,但是貝桑會嫌臭,我只好每天用洗米水、咖啡渣跟茶葉渣等等的,澆灌在樹根,希望可以慢慢改善,照片上,樹根旁邊那一點一點白白的,就是洗米時,掉下來的米粒.
不久前,我終於排除萬難,在小城市集買到種子,撒了一些,就當土質測試.這陣子,種子慢慢發芽,長得較高的是小麥,貼近土地的嬌小幼苗是茴香,而樹呢,雖然生長緩慢,卻也冒出了一點點綠葉,讓我很感動!
呵,是啊,這棵樹展現強韌生命力!既然樹並未放棄生命,那麼我就不能放棄樹的生命呀!
我回沙漠這兩個月,樹的變化不大,土壤改變較為明顯,第二張照片,上圖是兩個月前的土壤狀態,極為乾硬,即使澆水、鬆土、撒上種子,若未勤加照顧,種子依然無法發芽.下圖是兩個月後,此時的土壤狀態,鬆軟濕潤很多,種子發芽狀態也較好,想當然耳,當土質改善,樹也會開心很多!然而若荒於照料,土質很快就會恢復成上圖了.
當初,我發願回沙漠種樹,想的是綠化沙漠,減緩氣候變遷帶來的衝擊,萬萬想不到,神要我彎腰低頭,從最基本的「土」開始工作起,這種付出與耕耘是看不到顯著成果的,所有淬鍊、發現與收穫,點滴豐富了我的生命.
而撒哈拉也真實地讓我看見,若想改變什麼,得從最原初,甚至讓人忽略的基礎開始做起,若不放棄且找到適恰方式,土地將展現無窮的幻化能力,而生命,由此開啟.
一片樹葉不會枯萎 在 詩聲字 Facebook 的最讚貼文
※詩.聲.字 x 每天為你讀一首詩※
陳琳〈死過一次以後,決然地活──談任明信《光天化日》中的被棄與自我厭棄〉
羅智成在《夢中書房》裡曾指出:「同樣是以語言來解決問題,詩人與說謊者的區別可能是:詩人往往是自己所生產出來的意義的第一個信徒。」詩──或者更擴大一點來看──文學,其實就是表達自身看法的媒介。而平時生活裡的所見所感,都可以成為創作時珍貴的養分。
在任明信的詩裡,常常可以看見這種「生活感」,詩中運用了許多生活中的景色、事物,令讀者讀起來格外親近,但描寫生活之餘,詩人往往會賦予平凡的場景更深一層的含意、情緒,在意想不到之處急轉直下,引起讀者共鳴。
《光天化日》一書中,格外引起我注意的,是描寫感情的詩作。詩人描寫了被拋棄的悲傷,同時也寫出了分離後,對自我產生厭棄的感受。藉由自我厭棄,或許便能緩解一部分的傷痛,讓自己在痛苦中,重新體會生活、決然地活。
1.關於「被棄感」
描寫在感情裡產生被棄感的作品,數量繁多,但詩人所寫的被棄感,並不只有單純的抒發內心哀傷而已,詩人往往會先營造出情境,最後才以單方面傾訴的口吻,低聲說出自己的心境。這樣內斂的寫作方式,也讓讀者更有共鳴,以下面這首〈傾訴〉為例:
任明信〈傾訴〉
如果你有了愛人
讓我知道
像候鳥要飛
雪會知道
根的枯朽
樹葉知道
可是你永遠不會知道
我沒有愛人了
在這首詩作中,詩人先設一個前提「如果你有了愛人/讓我知道」,而後賦予自然界的雪、樹葉、根、候鳥等等,讓它們人性化,因此「根的枯朽/樹葉知道」,巧妙的是,在詩中所舉的動植物,都存在著一方離開、一方留下的關係,候鳥南遷,要離開北方,因此「雪會知道」;根的死去,在最後也會使樹葉枯萎,我們也可以理解成,根不再供應樹葉養分、不再支持著樹葉了,這也是某個面向的離去,因此「樹葉知道」。
最後再以「可是你永遠不會知道」,營造出與前面「知道」的對比,結尾一句「我沒有愛人了」,寫出了感情中被留下、被捨棄的感受。在此處,「你」是離去的一方,而「我」是被留下的,但與先前的對句不同,這一次,「可是你永遠不會知道/我沒有愛人了」,最後真心且絕望的傾訴,也就更有力道,令人再三嘆息。
2. 關於「自我厭棄」
被留下、被捨棄的一方,一定受到了他人離去的傷害。但自我厭棄,則是對自己的傷害,這樣的傷害並非來自外界,而是來自於內心更為龐大的痛苦。在自傷的情緒中,痛苦無從宣洩,只能以自己為出口,藉由傷害、痛覺來緩解,甚至也可能藉此來維持內心所剩無多的生存意念。〈牽掛〉一詩,便是自我厭棄感強烈的作品:
任明信〈牽掛〉
盆栽繚繞的陽台
已看不見了
是我剛好經過的時候
心底的藤蔓爬滿了房間
吃掉舊的住客
再換上新的
一切看起來都好
只是鎖換了
為了活下來終於弄斷了尾巴
身體漸漸死去
尾巴卻一直活著
身體漸漸死去,但自己弄斷的尾巴卻一直活著,成為某種牽掛。
詩人在此將斷尾求生的橋段做出巧妙的翻轉。斷尾求生,求的是個體的生,尾巴的死,但在詩中卻反了過來,看著身體漸漸死去,只剩下斷了的尾巴還活著,這也呈現出自我厭棄感。從一開始的「心底的藤蔓爬滿了房間/吃掉舊的住客/再換上新的」,寫出詩中的「我」住在房間裡,但卻被心裡的藤蔓吃掉,換上新的,軀殼可能一樣,但「我」早已不是原先的「我」了。後來就算弄斷尾巴,身體仍然死去,我們也可以將此解讀為:原先為了要維繫生命,所以捨去了某些事物(尾巴),但被捨去的東西沒有死,反而是原先要保全的身體死去了,在捨棄與留下之間、生死的對比之間,或許有更多可以思考、辯證的空間。當然,詩中的自我厭棄感,也在一層層情境的鋪墊下,更為凸顯。
《光天化日》一書中,亦有對於生活、社會、友情的種種思考,而被棄感、自我厭棄感自然也不是情感面向的作品唯二的著重點,但其中的悲傷,被留下、捨棄的痛苦,以及為了緩解痛苦,試圖找尋答案的姿態,卻貫串多首詩作。這樣的痛楚,也化為各種不同的寫作方式,詩人剪裁生活的片段,在內心經歷巨大動盪之後,用決然的態度,找出了與痛苦共存,並轉化痛苦的生活方式。
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#任明信 創作
#陳琳 選篇、賞析,粉專 陳琳 linlin,Instagram:linlin_breathe
#馬修 手寫(〈#牽掛〉節錄),粉專 冰箱的把手在包包裡,Instagram:matthewrite
※〈#傾訴〉 、〈牽掛〉收錄於《#光天化日》(黑眼睛文化 Dark Eyes Ltd.,2015年8月)。
※任明信
十一月生,高雄人。喜歡夢,冬天,寫詩,節制地耽溺。
著有詩集《你沒有更好的命運》《光天化日》。散文集《別人》。
※馬修
我是馬修,臺灣人。偽文青的水電工。努力健身,復原身體中,能寫字就會更新。粉專「#冰箱的把手在包包裡」,IG:matthewrite