【天青色等煙雨,而我在等你】(English writing below)
我看著客人眼淚
滴滴答答的打在桌面上
筆記本
濕了
本子上的字
糊了
她的心酸
猶如洪泉遇到崩裂的堤壩
一波一浪的破牆而出
一個被愛情辜負的女子
看了真是心疼
我不由自覺的
想到了自己
你懂我的
像我這樣剛烈的女子
爲了愛情
我絕不退縮
祇是一個勇字
又豈能成事呢
童年
過得心驚膽顫
家裡常吵得
雞犬不寧
爸爸沒想要
把我生下
媽媽常說
要把我趕出去
我很努力讀書
我很努力做個乖孩子
我覺得我做得很好
人小小本事很大
但這些終究無法
讓我在美滿的家庭長大
多少個夜晚裡
我被媽媽打得
想奪門而出
永不再見
可是想到誰來照顧她
我又忍下來
我很恨
為何我命運不如人
第一次談戀愛時
我是多麼多麼的雀躍
內心裡的煙花
不斷地爆開
我終於等到了
不再是
沒人要的孩子了
我終於
值得有人愛了
初戀的絢麗
卻也如七彩美麗的煙花
一聲巨響後
就消失在漆黑的夜裡
他常常在我面前
提到他如何深愛著
他中學時的校花
她是如此的美好
有一次
這校花來我們的學校
他得知後
破課室的門而出
沒見到她
他哭了一整個星期
心中的不安
讓我常常與他吵架
三年零八個月裡
我不是一個好女友
服滿兵役後
他喜歡上大學迎新會
的一位混血兒
後來
我和一位校友打了幾次桌球
某夜
他在ICQ向我索吻
對他的印象
就一落千丈了
(你以為老娘在賤賣嗎?)
不久一位朋友告訴我
他約會的對象
不只我一個
我有一位
很好很好的朋友
我在新加坡時
他常陪我
深夜打桌球到清晨
聊佛法聊人生
一起上佛學班
一起學國標舞
從未有一個人
如此瞭解我的心
如此照顧著我
但無所不談的當兒
他也不斷告訴
這麼多年來
他如何愛念著
一個女孩
對她始終無法忘懷
我又輸給
活在記憶中的人了
我這一份單戀
長達兩年
很磨人很磨人很磨人
差一點走不出來
第二次談戀愛
他常在我面前提起
一個他追了半年追不到的女孩
他說
有一天一定要去問她
為什麼不選擇他
在家裡的毒打
並沒有隨著我成人
而停止
後來拜師學藝
卻因爲品德不良
被師父一句
「你不是我要找的人。」
斷然吃了閉門羹
那天我哭得痛徹心扉
覺得自己
好像是
個沒人要的孩子
方文山因爲
八百年前
宋徽宗皇帝御批的這句
「雨過天青雲破處」
而在周傑倫《青花瓷》裡
寫了『天青色等煙雨,而我在等你』
他說
愛情里最無力的無奈
就是「等待」
天青色得等待
不知何時會降的雨
雨停
積雲散去
朗朗晴空中
天青色才能顯現
如同我
只能被动而安静的
等待着
不知何时才会出现的妳。
慢慢的
我開始認為
我這輩子等不到了
月老應該沒幫我
綁上紅線
學佛多年後
忽然恍然大悟
一個道理
没有东西是必须拥有的
沒有它
也不代表自己的不足
愛情
是一個填不滿的慾望
所以愛情劇長紅
在2015年2月21日年初三,根本上師蓮生活佛在台灣中天綜合電視台的訪談中說:https://youtu.be/EPDxwSt6a5I (時間12:08)
「師尊本身的愛是這樣的。我既然愛她,就是要她幸福,不是要佔有她,這種愛不是佔有,其實愛不是佔有。如果愛是佔有的話,那就是屬於慾望。如果愛不是佔有,我是祝福她,雖然我愛她,她不愛我,她愛別人,我就祝福她。如果愛別人會比較幸福,我就祝福她。這種愛就不是佔有的愛。如果是佔有的愛,一定會產生痛苦。」
原來我真正在等的
是自己
自己的智慧開了
心變闊達時
才不會讓他人決定
自己幾時可以幸福
可以幸福多久
命運在我手中
怎麼走本來就是我說了算
我輕輕的拿起桌上的紙巾,遞給女客人。她一把鼻涕,一把眼淚的向我道謝。
借了師父慣用的笑話,我柔聲細語的說:「別哭,新加坡缺水,要哭要到蓄水池哭,這樣我們可以少看馬來西亞的臉色做人。」
她破涕而笑。
我再說:「我看了妳的八字,現在又看到妳真人,勸你跟我講話老實一點,要不然我幫不到妳。妳明明一直做人家的小三,還敢跟我哭沒有男人要和妳結婚?妳不也偷偷拿了他不少錢嗎?我看妳明明就是一張愛錢的臉。」
奉勸各位大俠,在我面前,若要用眼淚爲武器,請三思,因爲虛偽的,我必定拆你面具。
..........................
I looked at the teardrops of my client, pitter patter onto the table top. My client's notebook got wet. The words got muddled.
All the pains in her heart were like the angry river crushing through a broken dam, tearing down the walls as the tears flowed.
To see a lady being let down by love was indeed heart-breaking.
I couldn't help but thought of myself.
You know me. An unyielding character like mine will not shrink like a coward in the name of love. Alas, there are things in life that can't be accomplished solely with courage.
My childhood was filled with a lot of fear. There were often quarrels at home.
My dad didn't want me to be born. My mum often said she wanted to chase me out of the house.
I studied very hard. I did my utmost to be an obedient kid, and I thought I did very well as young child but I was already very capable. However, all these were not enough for me to grow up in a complete family.
So many nights, I got beaten up so badly by my mum that I wanted to just break out of the door and never to see her again. But the mere thought of nobody looking after her pulled me back.
I hated so much. Why wasn't my destiny comparable to other people?
When I first fell in love, I was so elated. The fireworks in my heart exploded non-stop. I finally found someone. I was no longer that child which nobody wanted. I was finally worthy of someone's love.
The splendour of first love, however, was as temporal as the rainbow-coloured fireworks. After a loud explosion, it vanished into the darkness of night.
He would often tell me in my face, how much he pined for and loved his secondary school crush, apparently the prettiest and most perfect girl in school.
Once, this campus belle came to our school. When he got wind of the news, he dashed out of the classroom. Failing to see her, he cried for one whole week.
My insecurity caused me to quarrel with him often. In those 3 years and 8 months, I wasn't a great girlfriend. After his NS, he got together with a girl of mixed blood at his university's Orientation camp.
I played pool with a uni mate a few times. One night over ICQ, he teased me for a kiss. My impression of him dropped like hot cakes. Did I look like I was lelong-ing myself? Later, a girl pal told me that he was dating several girls at the same time.
I had a very good friend. Whenever I was in Singapore, he would accompany me to play pool till wee hours. We talked about Dharma, life, and we attended Buddhism and ballroom dancing classes together. I had never met a person who understood me and took care of me so well.
But among our endless conversations of everything and anything, he always told me how he still loved a girl from his school. He couldn't forget her.
Again, I lost to someone who lived in the memory of the guy I liked.
This one-sided love of mine burned for two years. It was very, very, very excruciating. I almost didn't make it out alive.
In my second relationship, the boyfriend would always tell me about a pretty girl whom he pursued for half a year, but failed to win her heart. He told me firmly that if he had the chance, he wanted to ask her why she did not choose him.
The abusive beating at home did not stop even after I grew up.
Later on, when I wanted to become Shifu's disciple, he turned me down flat because he didn't think I had good morals and values. He was blunt, "You are not the person I am looking for."
That night, I cried painfully hard. Suddenly, I felt like I was the kid from my childhood whom nobody wanted.
800 years ago, Emperor Huizong of Song Dynasty wrote in an imperial decree "雨過天青雲破處". It was this that inspired Vincent Fang (方文山) to write the lyrics 『天青色等煙雨,而我在等你』in Jay Chou's song 青花瓷 (Blue and white porcelain).
Vincent Fang said, the most powerless kind of helplessness in love was waiting.
The sky green colour had to wait for the rain, which it had no idea when it would arrive. After the rain stopped, the thick clouds dissipated, in the clear skies, the sky green colour would then be able to appear. This was just like how he could only passively and quietly wait, for his lady whom he had no idea when she would appear.
Gradually, I started thinking that in this lifetime, I would not be able to wait for that person to appear. Perhaps Yue Lao (the elderly celestial under the moon) did not tie the red string on me.
After many years of learning the Dharma, one day, I suddenly came to the realisation that nothing is a must to own.
Secular love is a black hole of desires. That is why romantic shows are evergreen.
On 21 February 2015, the 3rd day of the Lunar New Year, my Root Guru Living Buddha Lian-Sheng spoke in an interview with the Taiwan CTI Television Inc.: https://youtu.be/EPDxwSt6a5I (timestamp 12:08)
"My personal take on love is this. Since I love her, I will want her to be blissful, and not to possess her. Such love isn't possession. Actually love isn't possession. If love is possession, that belongs to desire. If love isn't desire, I will wish her well. Although I love her, she doesn't love me, but loves another person, so I will give her my best wishes. If loving another person brings her more happiness, I will wish her well. Such love isn't possessive love. If it is possessive love, there will surely be pain."
Then I realised, the one that I had been waiting all along for is myself. Waiting for my wisdom to develop, waiting for my heart to be more open, so that I would not place my happiness in the hands of another person, and let the person decide for me when I should be happy, for how long I can stay happy...
My destiny is in my hands. How it pans out is up to me to say.
I gently picked up a serviette from the table and passed it to my lady client. In a mush of mucus and tears, she thanked me.
Borrowing an old joke from Shifu, I gently told her, "Don't cry. Singapore lacks water. If you want to cry, you should cry at a nearby reservoir. This way, we don't have to see the colours of Malaysia in order to get more water."
She broke into a smile among her tears.
I continued, "After looking at your Bazi, and now that I have seen you in person, I advise you to be more honest with me, or else I will not be able to help you. You have all along been a mistress to other men, and you dare to come crying to me that no man wanted to marry you? Didn't you also stole some money from them? The way I see you, you obviously have a money grubber face."
My advice to all swordsmen: If you wish to use your tears as a weapon in front of me, think thrice. Because if you are a hypocrite, I will definitely rip your mask apart.
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boyfriend in other words 在 I Love My Director Siwaj Sawatmaneekul Facebook 的最讚貼文
Series Title: Until We Meet Again (2019)
Episode: Finale (17)
Official Link with English subtitle: https://youtu.be/iTeVM8KzPYg
I've been a super fan of Until We Meet Again, since Episode 1. For me, this series is a Masterpiece - one of the best Thai BL series! This finale episode is simply amazing, it's like reading a book and you get to see a clear picture of the conclusion of story. Episode 17 coherently provided the best ending to everything that happened from Episode 1. This Finale episode acted like that red string, it tied up all the scenes into one super bonded lovely story.
What makes Until We Meet Again a caliber Thai [BL] series?
1. The story - The story is arranged in way that you'll always look forward for the next episode. There is always that craving for the next scene and the next bomb that will be released next airing week. You'll be enticed - you'll keep on wondering, what will be revealed next? There is always this sense of excitement for the new progress to the story of each character. The momentum of the story is always getting higher and is climbing continuously, progessively to the summit!
2. The cast - Everyone is beyond perfect! KornIn, DeanPharm and all the actors are simply amazing. The series can make you smile, can make you fall in love, can make you cry a river, can make you grieve. All of these emotions were delivered perfectly. I'm in love with Nine - he is super handsome and super talented. I'm in love with his acting skills - so natural and so effective. Ahhhh, I like him so much. Fluke and Earth, no words can describe their acting prowess on this series. I'm amazed! Ohm is the boyfriend and husband material you'll ever wanted - he got the look, the body and the values I'm looking from someone to be with for the rest of my life.
3. The directing and the storytelling - With my beloved P'New as the Director, I expect no less than a Masterpiece. The story is complicated - for one to put everything on screen with so much clarity, cohesiveness and beyond pleasing to the eyes and taste of the audience is a gigantic task. P'New delivered with so much professionalism, with so much love on his directing craft. P'New put so much soul with Until We Meet Again, like he did with his previous series.
4. The morale of the story - I love the Special Episode shown prior to this Finale Episode. I would like to encourage everyone who have not seen the Special Episode to please do watch it.
The Special Episode speaks about how broadcast media portrays the LGBTQ community to its audience and the influence of media to the society as a whole.
For me, with all the other lessons I learnt from this series - I would say, I learnt and I must say that suicide is not the right and should always not be the option to address a problem.
I personally acknowledge depression and its effect to people. Depression is a reality and should be taken seriously by anyone who has it and with the people around that person who is experiencing it.
In my company, I volunteered to facilitate and conduct a module/workshop on Cyberbullying for kids on Junior and Senior High Schools, and many times during our workshop - Depression came up as the effect of Cyberbullying or any type of bullying. In other times, Depression came about when kids share about their issues with their family, the environment they live in, and because of the people around them.
I'm not a specialist on Mental Health Issues so I refrain from giving advice on what to do and not to do. I always seek help from people who are trained and are specialists on Depression and Mental Health Issues - otherwise, I may even worsen the problem. I can only extend help in my little ways - like listening, caring and being with them.
I believe, what I got from this series is - if you commit suicide as a resolution to whatever problem you have, you don't only hurt yourself but you also are hurting the people around you, especially those who truly care and love you.
If I may ask, if you feel you are depressed and is on the verge of taking your precious life - please do seek help. A couple of people may not be there to help you, but for sure, there is that person who will listen and care for you. Life is too precious to end too soon.
Lastly, I want to Congratulate everyone who has been part of Until We Meet Again! Kudos to a job superbly and awesomely executed and delivered! My love is for you all.
Thank you as well for those who have been supporting my write-ups. I appreciate all the encouragements and love! You are my inspiration to be of service to the BL world, that we truly love!
boyfriend in other words 在 Jenn’s 沬厤 Life After Cancer #spreadlovecreatehope Facebook 的精選貼文
Please read.
If you learn to understand the pain of losing someone u love, this is exactly (if not more) how one would feel.
It's heartbreaking to see another fighter succumbed to cancer. RIP fighter ❤️💯🙏
#cancersucks
Yesterday morning, God took away my boyfriend, my best friend, my soul mate, my other half, my right hand, my rock. He took away his pain and his suffering and called him home to be with him. For everyone who knows Lucas, you’ll know he fought the toughest and longest battle with cancer, and never did I think I’d be here writing this today, none of us did. The cancer started in his leg a few years ago and after multiple surgeries it just kept coming back. He went to Germany to undergo specialised treatment that wasn’t available in Australia and unfortunately that didn’t work, which lead to the amputation of his right leg. We thought that was the hardest battle we would have to go through. With everything going on, he graduated from year 12 and sat his hsc. The amount of times I wanted to drop out of school because of how hard everything was getting, I didn’t. Because if he was going to stay in school and graduate after everything, what the hell was my excuse not to. Not long after the amputation, we got the news that he had a spot in his lung that started to grow. He then had a lung resection in December 2018 to remove the cancer that came back and once that had healed, he started learning to walk on his prosthetic leg. I had never had more of a proud girlfriend moment in my life. I went to every appointment with him from the first time he tried it on, to the last one where he was walking on the crutches off the bars with it. I shed a tear almost every single time because I knew everything hebhad been through was all worth it. We were so happy together, everyone that knows us knows there wasn’t a minute we were apart. We were so inlove, nothing was ever going to take that away from us. Then March 2019 came along. I woke up next to you, gave you a kiss and a cuddle and left for work at 5am and you were complaining about chest pains all day. As soon as I got back to yours after work, you asked me to drive you straight to the hospital. So you jumped in the car, and little did I know that was the last time we would ever have a drive together, the last time I would ever get to sleep with you, our lives changed. We took you into emergency, they did a scan and the nurse came back and told us you had a tumour in your spine. They needed to operate quick and fast to stop the tumour from growing, so they did just that. Unfortunately the tumour was growing so rapidly it ended up paralysing you from your chest down within a week. You then had 9 other growing tumours scattered in your body, we got told we only had 3-6 months left together, this was 4 weeks ago. You were in and out of hospital since April, not a day went by that you weren’t in pain but there was not a day that I left your side. I tried my best to do everything possible to make the suffering a little bit easier for you. On Friday, I got a call from your brother telling me to come to the hospital because your breathing was not very good, I came and we got told to start saying our goodbyes, I didn’t believe it. I did not believe we would only have days left together when we were supposed to have months, we were supposed to grow old together. I was not ready to say goodbye and I never will be. But yesterday, morning at 6:30am you kissed me and told me that you love me so much. At 7:30am I jumped up and looked at you and your chest wasn’t moving. I know it was you that woke me up. My heart fell out of my chest to the floor. I stared at you for 2 minutes waiting for you to breathe, waiting for you to squeeze my hand, waiting for any sign of life. I woke your uncle and mum up, you were gone. I held your lifeless body for 9 hours until they took you away yesterday afternoon. Baby I prayed since the day you got diagnosed for a miracle, no one in their right mind thought you were going to lose this battle. But I don’t think you lost, you fought for so god damn long, you fought so hard until your very last breath, you never once gave up. You didn’t lose, you won for you are at peace, you are finally resting with no more suffering. You are with God, where you wanted to be and I don’t doubt that he is taking good care of you. There is a reason he needs you up there more than we do down here, I don’t know what the reason is, but I know he’s got big things planned for you. You were taken from us way too soon, and oh my god do I wish I would have forever and a day with you. We had so many plans for the future, so so many but I promise you babe I’m going to make you proud. Lucas fell asleep for the last time with a smile on his face, I haven’t seen him so happy and so peaceful in so long. I find peace knowing he is at peace. He was and always will be the biggest blessing in my life. Luke you touched the lives of hundreds and hundreds of people. You are the definition of an inspiration. You had so many caring friends and such a beautiful family that I am so lucky to now be able to call mine aswell. You were loved by everyone, no one had a bad word to say about you. You fought like hell but I knew you were tired, I knew it was time for you to be in a better place, you were too good for this world. The pain, the hurt and the emptiness I’m feeling right now is indescribable but I know you’re up there guiding me through this, your strength is what gave me strength. I grew to love you more and more every single second of every day. You opened my eyes to life in a different perspective, you taught me so much. The love I had for you was something words can’t explain, something so indescribable that I honestly don’t want to feel with anyone else. You took the other half of my heart with you when you left me yesterday, and I’ll forever be grateful it is with you. I can’t tell you how beyond thankful and grateful I am that I got to love and experience you in every way, that I was the one you wanted to spend your whole life with, and that I was the one that you love. You gave me the most amazing, and unforgettable time together, I only wish we had longer. We have a million memories that I will cherish and that will stay in my heart for a life time. I told you you were a soldier and you said to me “a soldier can only fight for so long baby”. And you fought with everything that you have. Never in my life have I or will I meet such a strong hearted, caring person. You cared so much for others even at your worst times. I’ll never meet a soul as beautiful as yours. I love you with all of my heart and all of my soul, I will continue to love you each and every day. I will miss you so much, you brought the most amazing kind of happiness to my life. You did to everyone’s lives. Not having you around every day is going to be the biggest struggle, everything reminds me of you. But I know you’ll always be here in my heart. I can’t wait to see you again. You promised you’d get a double bed and save me a spot on my side for when I get up there. I hope you’re keeping it warm for me. Heaven needed an angel, and they got the most beautiful one of all. I have the biggest hole in my heart, but I know with your help you’ll get me through this.
Please I’m asking all of you not to take life for granted. Love your friends and family and love them as hard as you can, love them unconditionally because you have absolutely no idea when their last day will be.
Lucas Abraham Issa, I will hold you in my heart always, thankyou for everything you did for me and for everyone around you, you touched the lives of so many and you’ll never be forgotten, I promise you that. I love you, forever and always. I wish I could come visit you, but I know we’ll be together one day in a place that will last forever. Rest easy my beautiful boy ❤️
https://www.gofundme.com/lucas-issa-always-in-our-hearts…
boyfriend in other words 在 M13 Youtube 的最佳貼文
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World's best motorcycle pants are RHOK (search Ebay for them) OK, whole lotta stupid in the comment section.....so let's clear a few things up. I have two GAY friends that I play LOL with REGULARLY and they both ONLY play female champs. So that was what I was basing my first JOKE off of......and I say in the video that it was a JOKE when I said it....in other words......I didn't think he was gay because he played only female champs....but the only people I know who ONLY play female champs ARE gay.....hence the joke. (I have someone accusing me of "backpeddling" to say it's a joke now.....but I say it in the video as well...so how is that "backpeddling"?)
It was only with afterthought that I noticed he looked very feminine for a guy and so did his male friend (boyfriend?). He has also never had a girlfriend. So it was only after noticing about 4 different gay character traits that I started to think...he probably IS gay. I never said that he was gay...because he plays a girl in a game. And yet again I can't believe how much common sense things I need to explain to the people leaving comments. Especially since I already say almost all of this in the vid.
Got a few people saying the title should use "was" instead of "were". I'm correct in using "were". Link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/English_subjunctive
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