關於 funeral words for a friend ，我們在網路上蒐集到這些相關的討論、資訊與評價

【防狼之心不可無】

My mum didn't teach me about the birds and the bees.

I was a voracious reader and figured it out on my own at the age of 8, while reading a Charlie Brown encyclopedia.

But what my mum relentlessly taught me was to be wary of wolves. Stranger or family, they can morph into big bad wolves.

My parents worked 12 hours a day to provide for me.

As they were often not around, my mum commando trained me to be fiercely independent since I was a little girl.

I would be home alone for as long as 8 hours after school.

Mum drilled into me never to answer the door if a stranger knocks.

Once when I was 5, I was crossing the small road, to find my grandpa at the market.

I was on my own.

(Told you I was trained young. I would also like to think we lived in a generally safe neighborhood.)

A stranger man stopped me in my track and asked me if I wanted sweets.

My red alert antenna shot up.

I said no firmly to the man.

(I had never liked candy anyway.)

He persisted and told me he could bring me to his car where there were many sweets and toys.

I glared at him as fiercely as a 5-year-old could and threatened to scream if he didn't leave.

The man hurriedly backed off.

My mum's script for dealing with such strangers worked!

When I was 7, I was taking buses on my own to my mum's office at Keppel, after school.

I worked part-time in my mum's office as a tele-operator, Girl Friday and did all sorts of admin duties. #childabuse

Mum was very strict in my telephone etiquette. Few people could tell that they were speaking to a 7-year-old over the phone.

It was a male-dominated environment, and my dad would insist that I wear more trousers than dresses. I rarely had any dress except for CNY. No mini skirts, no strappy revealing tops, no hot pants, no masquerading as a Disney princess looking for a Prince.

Before I was 12, my mum would often reinforced to me:

No man should be allowed to touch me. That would be molest and is a criminal offense.

Never get into a lift alone with another male stranger. If the man comes in after me, I must quickly exit the lift.

Don't talk to strangers, even if they are females.

Don't accept gifts, drinks or foods from strangers, in case they are drugged.

Learn to run quickly.

Learn to shout loudly and fiercely.

Don't show your fear in front of wolves.

Bite as hard as I can.

Kick right with all the strength I can.

Don't walk in dark streets.

Don't sleep on the bus.

Avoid sharing seats with men on the bus.

Always check to see if anyone is tailing me.

#ninjaintraining

For umpteen times throughout my childhood and teenage years, my mum would say, that I MUST let her know if any man touches me. Even if it's a male relative or my own father.

She said she would definitely pursue legal action if I was molested. Because my safety is of paramount importance to her than anything else.

Mum also went through many times, how I should react/slap/kick if there was an outrage of my modesty.

She told me why it was important to respect my body and not have it manipulated by others.

She emphasized to me about the virtue of celibacy before marriage and why girls should not abuse their bodies.

She also warned me not to trust men when they use love as a bait to get into bed with them or use excessive flowery words. Such men would never make good husbands.

And never never get myself drunk. #thankBuddhaIdontdrink

Mum also said, if she had to bring me up alone, without daddy, she would NEVER have another man live with us, in case anything happened to me. Blood is thicker than water, Mum would reiterate.

A woman never has to build her life and happiness on another man.

Mum led by example and held her word to the very end. #soproudofmymum

You can say I grew up in a very protective environment and had a distinct sense of what is right and wrong because of my mum.

I count myself fortunate that I had never been put in compromising situations.

Or rather, I was quick to jump out when the situation isn't going right.

Like when passengers make funny requests to me on board.

The worst was when a Chief Steward walked behind me, at a narrow aisle and slided his hand against the back of my waist.

I was ready to crack his wrist and then "apologise" profusely if he did it again.

#crackfirstthenreport #大不了丟工作罷了

I also do not like it when taking photos with men, and their hands slide up to my shoulders.

Your hand got no better place to put? Did you ask for permission? #crack

About a year ago, I visited this new cafe for its desserts.

When I stepped into the cafe, this vibe of sadness enveloped me.

I was slightly perturbed. It was a newly renovated cafe, with highly Instagrammable decor.

Why the gloom? Could my Feng Shui antenna have sensed things wrongly?

I had my Luo Pan with me but didn't take the sitting directions of the cafe. It didn't seem appropriate at that time.

A few days ago, I read of its owner having depression since she was a child.

Her parents fought often and after the divorce, she stayed with her mum and her mum's boyfriend's family.

She was only 9 years old when the father of her mum's boyfriend molested her. It was her second time being molested by an adult figure.

The old man orchestrated to first win her trust and reliance, when the old man offered to pick her up from school, as her mum worked long hours. Sometimes she had to wait 5 hours before her mum could picked her up.

Not once did she spoke a word about this to her mum. She didn't wanted to burden her mother who worked 3 jobs and being lonely and bullied in school, she was "wrongly" glad that someone wanted her.

Ever since such a turbulent childhood, she had never felt emotionally secure. When she broke up with her boyfriend of 6 years, she sunk further into clinical depression, feeling that she had lost her safety net in life.

One lady I knew had a father who molested her younger sister. Ever since she knew, she became very wary of him.

Once while she was sleeping, her father came up to her bed, on the pretext of covering her with the blanket.

She woke up in time before anything happened.

I also heard of a real-life story where all the 3 daughters were molested in turn by their father. I knew one of them.

None of them told their mother.

One day, the father died at his work site, due to a crane accident. At his funeral, the eldest daughter said coldly to his dead body that she would now forgive him.

Why do you think he died such a horrible death, my friend?

To all parents out there, as you send your children to one enrichment class after another, please do not neglect to teach your children about wolves.

Your children need to feel safe to confide into you.

You need to educate them what is unacceptable behaviour when it comes to their bodies.

The world is getting more dangerous.

Our children must be skilled in handling unexpected situations where trust is breached.

Don't assume it will never happen to your children.

If it does, I hope for the good of your common sense, that you will do what is necessary to protect your child. Don't sweep things under the blanket and jeopardize your child's emotional sanity for the rest of his/her life.

Bad things don't just happen to little girls. Little boys should be well-informed too.

If you fail in your protective duty as a parent, the first adult that a child trust, you will not be spared from the clutches of Yin punishment.

And if you are a wolf in a sheep's clothing reading this, wake up your idea and repent soon.

Even if the police is unable to arrest you,
no one gets away from Karma.

The consequences of your evil deeds will always haunt you, even in your next life and next next life, till the people you hurt get their revenge and you truly repent, never to repeat your misdeeds again.

.........

天知地知 你知我知 何謂無知，
善報惡報 遲報速報 終須有報。

陽世官刑雖幸免，
陰司法網總難逃。

～ 新加坡韭菜芭城隍廟

【賭上靈魂的女人】

青竹蛇兒口，黃蜂尾上針，兩者皆不毒，最毒婦人心。

I have a Bazi client, who has been a social escort for over a decade.

She didn't tell me the truth at the start. In fact, she "challenged" me to use my 6th sense and offered her Bazi.

I do not need your Bazi to read you inside out. Also, Bazi analysis is a highly methodological and scientific method to understand a person's past, present and future Destiny. I'm no medium. There is no 6th sense needed.

Over the many short messages before our meeting, she expressed her shock that I could read so much from merely her words.

I didn't have her birth details at that time, nor had I seen a single photo of hers.

With the internet era, a competent Metaphysics practitioner must have the ability to dissect a person's true character and intention, even from a simple "Hi".

Impossible? Too judgmental? You just haven't met a seasoned human scanner in real life. Or you don't know the true you well enough to see the rock hard truth in our words.

While messaging me questions about a (legitimate) business of hers, I replied with a verse written by my Grandmaster, Living Buddha Lian Sheng:

"君子愛財，取之有道。
不義之財雖到手，
無限後患跟著來。"

(While wealth is covetable, a gentleman makes his wealth through just and ethical means.
Ill gotten wealth, though in your hands, will elicit endless troubles pouring your way.)

She was astounded and asked, "Do you actually know what my job is? This is shocking..."

I guess I passed her challenge with flying colours.

.

She wasn't a sex worker, due to harsh circumstances like severe poverty or mountains of heavy medical bills for her family.

A drunk gang rape incident in her uni days changed her views on men and she wanted to take revenge on men. She lived a life of drugs and alcohol in between her lectures.

The way I see it, is her obsession for money that caused her downfall.

On one hot summer day in 2006, she answered a social escort advertisement. She was barely 21 and was influenced by what she read online.

The "Mama-san" who looked her over told her she needed to put on weight.

She was surprised. Wasn't it easier to earn money with a slim figure?

The Mama-san snapped, "Nonsense. Most men dislike a woman who is too slim. They prefer those with some flesh."

She silently made a promise to herself to swallow more burgers.

Her first client was an Arabic businessman. She was paid US500 for one hour.

That virgin taste of easy money lured her deeper and deeper into the abyss.

Clients of powerful backgrounds, Singapore and overseas, single and married, private and government sectors...one-on-one, multiple players, mass orgies...

She lived like a bird freed from her cage. Suddenly she could buy anything she desired, just by sweet talking and giving lusty men access to her nubile body. She was in and out of hotels, as frequently as 5 times a day.

The carefree lifestyle, the freedom of not answering to any boss and those money that poured from the sky was her drug.

In her own words, she was "the woman that all wives curse and fear".

She referred to herself as the woman the wife will loathe to find traces of existence, when the wife checks her husband's handphone with trembling hands.

It was as if she took pride in that.

How did her cause of seeking revenge on men become a twisted path of demolishing other women's marriages?

.

It didn't take her long to accumulate 6-figures in her bank account.

The more money she had, however, the more insecure she became.

She worried about losing it all. She deeply craved the warmth of love to complete her soul.

She was only 22. The client was manly, handsome and charming. He gave her $20K for her company.

She badly wanted him for her own. To be his wife.

With $100,000 withdrawn, she gave it all to her 2nd Mama-san. She decided she would use black magic to lock his heart. And soul.

But it was a fraud. The Mama-san started exhorting from her.

She was desperate and down to her last $2. She began stealing from her family and lying to feed the incessant demands and threats from her Mama-san.

She gradually realised this was her retribution of selling her body for quick money.

However, this new realisation didn't change her a bit.

She met a new client, Dave. He was a married man. It was love at first sight for her.

The initial joy she had from the money and attention he showered her blinded her wisdom to the extramarital affair.

She stayed in one of Hong Kong's expensive apartments at a prime district. But it soon became an soulless shell of loneliness that prompted her suicide attempts.

Dave coldly dumped her like a hot potato, as he didn't wish to handle an emotionally volatile woman.

.

Ken told her she bore an uncanny resemblance to his first love. She fell hard for his sweet words and gentle demeanour.

He weaved a forlorn tale of an emotionally abusive and lonely marriage, and how it was impossible for him not to to be attracted to her.

They travelled greatly and dined at expensive restaurants.

To have a married man giving his heart to her, was like tasting the forbidden apple. That first juicy bite satiated her craving to be desired. And to win another woman.

This time, she decided she would use black magic again to break up his marriage. She coveted that role of his wife. A permanent and lasting relationship, finally.

Black magic uses the dark forces of ghosts to carry out the client's wishes. She paid a good US$10,000 for a famous sorcerer and another US$4000 for her Thai amulet and mud puppet.

Did she capture Ken in the end?

They got into physical fights crazily. The amulet that controlled the ghosts backfired, and her sanity was devoured by the ghosts.

.

Her craziness drove her to swallow 200 sleeping pills and cut her wrists. ANYTHING to have him stay with her. Ken was horrified and visited her daily at the hospital. She felt triumphant. Finally, he was at her beck and call.

The happiness was short-lived. After her discharge, he broke up with her when he was on an overseas stint.

She went absolutely berserk and grabbed a knife to her throat. It felt that the ghosts wielded full control of her mind and body. Her mum kept yelling at her.

The realisation of truth came too late for her: A man, who lied to his wife and had an affair, will never be honest with her. Once a liar, always a liar.

She was warded into the high-dependancy unit at the mental hospital. Everyday, she was surrounded by suicidal and high-risk patients. They were bounded at their feet and hands. It was a petrifying sight. Was this the end of her life? She wasn't even 28. How did she allowed a man to destroy her prime years?

She sought to understand love and karma. She delved into Buddhist books, wanting to know what caused her to lose her mind. She started to have deep regret about taking short cuts in life and her laziness in earning money the ethical way. She saw, on her hands, the fresh blood of people's happiness that she had killed.

But the greed and anxiety in her couldn't be satisfied with a regular job. Or a single man who doesn't make enough to provide for her.

She was needy, attention-seeking and quarrelsome. I had called her a yoyo. I had spent many hours over a few months, replying to her messages.

Every day, she fought hard against the temptation to take up another escort job

.

「捨邪歸正」

I lost count how many Masters she sought advice from before she found me online.

She read my posts and was amazed by my tenacity to take failures.

She watched my video on suicide and became aware of the Hell that all suicide victims go to. To repeat that act of killing themselves every day at the same time they died.

Among the many things I said at our consultation, I could tell her the age range she sold herself and that it was a elder lady who gave her the chance. She was surprised at my accuracy.

I told her the only way out was to sincerely repent for her past misdeeds. Blind listening to Buddhist chants and sutras would do nothing to change her fate. That is passive. Being active is to recite it and abide by the precepts.

I instructed her to write out her story in as much details as possible, to lead other sex workers, or wannabes, suicidal people and men with affairs to the Right Path.

This was one of the fastest ways I know that can change a disastrous life around.

All the Thai amulets, crystals and pendants she stashed in her room MUST go. She spoke of their decreasing power over time, and it seemed like a never-ending black hole as she kept on buying more and more to help her legitimate business.

She asked whether she would be able to get a publisher to buy her story.

I told her to forget about making money from her book. Give it for free. Post it online. Somehow, somewhere, everywhere. Get the story out. Fast.

When her boyfriend left her a sum of money, I insisted that she returned it. Don't take money that you didn't earn it rightfully. She said that was her breakup fee. I put my feet down, and said it was a proper relationship between two singles, and she caused the breakup. Why would she need money for loving a man who had loved her?

She promised she would write her story.

But she lied to me. Just like how she lied of making the $49 donation the next day, before seeking a Bazi consultation with me.

She went to the Guan Yin Temple at Waterloo Street, and sought a divination stick. It was her favourite activity whenever she was troubled or at a dilemma.

Right after she left the temple, she messaged and questioned why she received a 下簽 (bad lot) for my recommendation.

I asked for the number of the divination lot and the actual question she posed.

"I want to write a story about my life to encourage women not to sell their bodies and for married men not to have affairs. I may be hurt or sabotaged by people, so please protect me."

That didn't sound like a question. But the Bodhisattva had a way in teaching sentient beings.

I was dumbfounded at the Bodhisattva's omnipresent accuracy and foresight, when I saw the divination number.

It was a bad lot indeed, but not because of the solution I gave to my client.

.

「莊子試妻」

Zhuangzi was a famous and well-respected Chinese philosopher of the Warring States Period.

One day at the mountains, he walked past a new grave and saw a woman kneeling over the freshly turned soil, hurriedly fanning it.

Not understanding the woman's behaviour, Zhuangzi asked for her intention.

The woman replied, that her husband lied beneath the soil. Before he died, he had said she could only remarry, when the soil of his grave dried. It was the rainy season at that time, hence her fervent fanning, so that she could quickly seek a new man.

Zhuangzi shook his head, when he heard of her heartlessness.

Unknown to many, Zhuangzi was an accomplished Taoist practitioner. With his supernatural powers, he helped the woman to dry the soil almost immediately. Thrilled at the dried grave, the widow gave her fan to Zhuangzi and hurried down the mountain.

Zhuangzi returned home, singing and waving the fan. His wife, Tian, questioned where he got the fan from. When she heard of the widow, Tian was so angry that she tore the fan into pieces and called the widow shameless.

Zhuangzi pacified his wife and said he had faith in her chastity.

A few days later, he fell very sick and died. Tian was saddened at her husband's sudden death and wept in sorrow

At his funeral, a very handsome young man showed up with his old servant. He said he was Zhuangzi's student, and a son of an important government official.

He wanted to perform the rites of a dutiful student, and helped in his teacher's funeral, by watching vigil for three years.

His good looks caught the eye of the newly minted widow, Tian. She sought to know more his eligibility from the old servant.

Within 20 days, they got married.

On the night of their wedding, the young man was struck with an ear-shattering migraine. Tian anxiously asked the old servant for help. The old servant said his young master had this strange illness since birth. The only cure was to consume the brain of a human. Back in his hometown, the father would take the brain from the prisoners sentenced for death for his son.

But in this remote countryside, where could they find a human brain as medicine?

Tian thought of her dead husband. She promptly took an axe and hacked open his coffin.

Zhuangzi leapt out from the coffin and mused this now-famous Chinese verse, "青竹蛇兒口，黃蜂尾上針，兩者皆不毒，最毒婦人心。"

Tian proclaimed that she heard noises in her coffin and wanted to see if Zhuangzi was alive.

Zhuangzi questioned the red finery on her and the red decor in the house. Tian argued that she wanted to welcome him. So she donned on the wedding finery to get married with him again.

The young man and his servant walked in. They were actually manifestations of Zhuangzi's supernatural powers.

Tian was so ashamed of her heartless and deciteful act that she eventually hung herself.

.

Every divination lot comes with a poem and a background story. This was the background story on my client's divination lot.

The poem states:

因名喪德如何事 卻恐吉中變化凶
酒醉不知何處去 青松影里夢朦朧

Virtues are destroyed in pursuit of self gain. Fear that the auspicious will morph into bad.

The drunkard knows nowhere to go. In the green forest a shadow lingers in a dreamy haze.

.

It is common to encounter clients that lack faith in my recommendations.

Some will ask many questions after our session, wanting to know why my solutions will help them or how I derive my solutions. There are also emotional clients who would flare up and lose all their manners, when they can't get an answer that they like from me.

I don't ask my doctor what ingredient goes into the making of my cough syrup and how it works scientifically in my body.

I take action by drinking it as prescribed. Because based on past experience, I trust that his medicine will work to help my predicament. I don't drink, I continue to be sick, I don't see results.

My suggestions don't require my clients to consume unknown medical liquids into their bodies. Yet few clients take action, when it comes to their Destiny.

Despite me being recommended by their friend who experienced positive results with my help, and have genuine testimonials to justify my fees.

That divination lot was Bodhisattva telling me: My client will not write her story, for she does not sincerely regret her past acts.

It was also a grave reprimand to her to mend her ways before it was too late.

But she didn't see the divination lot in the same manner as I did.

Not only does she lack faith in my words, she distrusted the holy words of the Bodhisattva too.

.

Give money, buy love, buy fame, buy business, buy wealth and buy that. No need hard work.

Such is the sexy appeal of many ghostly amulets. They appeal to people who want many things in life but refuse to follow the Law of Karma, to sow seeds the right way.

I see one client bidded for a Thai amulet from a Facebook Live. Another wanted to buy a multi-coloured bracelet, because "so pretty! Got power some more!" Luckily, his Wife who had learned some Buddhism from me stopped him.

.

In March 2017, this client sent me a message:

"Hi Ji Qian, hope you are well. Good luck for your Home Fengshui For A Happy Marriage tomorrow.

I was looking thru our past convos where we first started speaking online. Yes, Im a spoilt brat and Im a yoyo porcupine. I look at a sentence that is poignant - "the day you stop relying on men is the day you become prosperous". I wonder if that day will ever come. I I finally understand that my Facebook Adverts getting disabled is due to my past karma. And I haven't finished writing the repentance story which u instructed me to write in August. I think I know that I'm half-hearted in repentance, that's why I can't bring myself to finish the story. I'm just wondering if I am supposed to survive on my savings till my Facebook Advert Account get reactivated.

I haven't been able to find any new product to sell since XXX (sales also failing miserably). I am weak-willed and too reliant on men. The only thing keeping me from committing suicide is my mum and because I'm reminded by Shifu's words that a suicide victim is doomed to repeat the same act."

菩薩英明。

.

Last year, I had casually asked if I could share her story. She promptly gave me the permission.

Yesterday, one client called me unempathetic towards him. The way he wrote suddenly jolted my memory of this client. I had taken too long to write her story.

I told her to write in English and Chinese, and she did part of it.

The account you read of her past was adapted from her written work. Though there are many grammar and structural mistakes, she does write very well.

The poison in our hearts will eventually consume our souls if we do not purge it out. What joy is there when we resort to brutal force to keep a man by our side? Should he chooses to leave, that does not discount the value of our self worth. A man who isn't interested in you for the right reason isn't attractive.

The same goes for men who cheat or pay for sex. You are ruining another woman's life when you satisfy your lust.

When you inflict suffering on another being, in return, you get pain and suffering on yourself. So don't sow the seed in the first place. Repentance done right over a period of time can prevent your past bad seeds from germinating, and reduce your suffering.

If there is any merit in sharing her story here, I dedicate all of it to my client.

May she have the inner wisdom and stability to lead a virtuous life.

May she always be surrounded by good teachers to show her the way.

May her vile affinities be broken and replaced by good ones.

May her greed and hatred be subdued.

May she repent for her past transgressions in time.

No matter how long it may take, one step forward into the Light is one step away from Darkness.

.

ཨོཾ་མ་ཎི་པདྨེ་ཧཱུྂ༔
Om Ma Ni Peh Me Hom

去年的大港,終於看到我最喜歡的PTP

我永遠無法忘記那時候的感動

哭到眼淚和鼻嚏都糊在一起

但是以後永遠看不到了

拜託告訴我們這是在開玩笑

你永遠是我最喜歡的主唱

你的歌聲和帶給我們的感動會永遠活在我們心中

R.I.P K

訃報

Pay money To my Painのボーカリストとしてデビュー以来多くの人に愛され続けていたKこと後藤慶が平成24年12月30日 朝、急性心不全のため横浜市内の自宅で逝去いたしました。31歳というあまりに早すぎる旅立ちでした。
なお、葬儀はご遺族の意向により近親者のみで執り行われます。

昨年は精神的な疾患による体調不良で、大変苦しんだ時期が何度もありました。6月には最初の入院をする事態となりコンディションが整わず不本意なライブになってしまったこともありましたが、自分との闘いに打ち勝ち、徐々にKらしさを取り戻していきました。夏に出演したイベントでは、“これぞPTP”というパフォーマンスを見せ、自主イベントHOUSE OF CHAOSは完全復活を印象付けるライブでした。しかしそれも束の間、10月に入り再度入院しツアーキャンセルと既に活動休止の事態となったことは先にお知らせした通りです。その後Kは自らの病気と真剣に向き合い、克服してファンの皆様の前で元気な姿を見せられるよう地道にリハビリを続けていました。12/27にはメンバー4人で集まり今後の復帰プランを話しあう予定でしたが、Kが急遽体調を崩してしまった事もあり、改めて、年明けに行われる事になっていました。12/29にKからメンバーに届いた「年明けにみんなで会おう」というメールが、奇しくも最後の彼からのメールとなってしまいました。そんな中でのあまりに突然の事に、メンバー含め全てのスタッフがPay money To my Painとして共に走り続けてきたKという男を失ったことにとまどい悲しんでおります。
彼は常に強さと繊細さと共にありました。不器用で真っ直ぐな性格で、周りを振り回すこともありましたが、それ以上に人の気持ちを考える優しさを持った、
人に愛される男でした。

今頃、彼の敬愛する仲間達と天国で再会し、いい酒を飲んでいることを心の底から願っています。

生前、Kに多大な応援を頂き、皆様には感謝申し上げます。

ファンの皆様とのお別れ会は、少し時間が経ってから行いたいと考えております。

なお、制作途中であったアルバムはKの歌を録り終えている曲もあり、何らかの形で発表したいと考えています。

最後に、年末年始の時期をはさんだため行政解剖による死因究明に時間を要したためオフィシャルでの発表が遅くなりましたことをお詫び申し上げます。

平成25年1月10日
Pay money To my Pain
メンバー、スタッフ一同

PABLO

親愛なるKへ

お前に手紙を書くのはこれで二度目になる。
今思えば、Pay money To my Pain で一緒に歩んできた道も
この真っ白な紙に、一文字、一文字を書き連ねていく様に
全てが手探りで、いつも先の見えないまっさらな道のりだったよな。

俺たちはバンドというひとつ屋根の下、お互いが本当の家族の様に
それぞれが関わりあい、生きてきた。
共に成長して学び合い、多くの地で多くを知り。
時には憎しみ合い、喧嘩もしたが、誰かが泣いている時は
その方を抱き、励まし合い支え合ってきたよな。
お互い気分の良い夜は、すげえ量の酒も酌み交わしたよな。

さみしいよ、本当に。

リハーサルやライブで、俺が即興で演奏をした時、言葉にならない『なにか』を
伝えようと、よく歌ってくれたよな。
うまくいく時も、うまくいかない時もあったが、心からすばらしいと感じられる演奏が
出来た時は祈りが届いた様な暖かい気持ちになって、本当に満たされた気持ちになったのを思い出すよ。

ライブが終わるとお前の周りにはいつも人だかりが出来ていて、
色んな人の想いや言葉、時にみんなの苦悩を、真剣に受け止めていたよな。
そんなお前を少し遠くに感じる事もあったけど、また次の日、同じステージに立って
Kの詩をギターに乗せて届けられる事に心からの誇りを感じていたよ。

俺はKと出逢ってその不思議な詩の力や強い心、その優しい眼差しで本当に大きく成長できたんだ。
ありがとう、心から。

でも、俺の気持ちをこんな風でしかKに伝えられないなんて、全くどうにかしてる。

今、改めて、Kとの『思い出しきれない』思い出を振り返ると
かけがえのない出来事や、心に刻まれた風景、
人生を左右する人たちとの出会い、そして、その言葉。
本当に両手じゃ、抱えきれないほど、沢山あったよな。

これから、俺の旅とKの旅は違った旅になるんだよな。
俺は俺の旅を、KはKの旅を。

これからも、俺は今自分の居る所で精一杯ギターを弾くから
Kが居る所に、俺のギターが音色響いてきたら、またあの詩をくちずさんでくれよ。
俺、届く様に一生懸命、頑張るからさ。

さみしいけど、お別れだな。

さようなら、世界一のボーカリスト、K。

T$UYO$HI

K、俺にとってお前はバンドのメンバーであり
友達としても特別な存在だったよ。

初めてLAにふたり旅に行ったこと覚えてる？
モーテルを借りてビールを買ってくる。ただそれだけの事でドキドキしたよな？
Kと一緒にBANDを組みたくて、
その為にまず旅に出るっていう俺の作戦は見事成功だったね。

海外でレコーディングしたり、いつもは観に行ってたSUMMER SONICに出演したり
かっこいいBAND達といっぱいLIVEしたよね。
アツイ思いをもったPTP BABIES達がいっぱいLIVEに来てくれた。
いろんな夢を叶えたね。

俺の今までの人生で、一番一緒に写真に写ってるのもKじゃねーかな？
なんかあると一緒に写真撮ったもんな。

でも、もっともっと一緒に音を出したかったし
いろんな景色を一緒に観たかった。
Kにも家族ができて一緒にBBQとかもしたかったよ。
誰よりも家庭を持つ事に憧れてたもんな…。

俺が人生で一番つらかったとき
手を差し伸べてくれたのもKだった。
あの時は本当にうれしかったよ。ありがとう

いつもビックリするほどマイペースで、
周りの人間はいつもやきもきしていたけど
ほんとに最後までマイペースな奴だよまったく…。

「俺たちは四人でひとつ」

最後までそう言ってた ね。
そういうバンドマンスピリッツが好きだったよ。

まぁでも、俺は当分そっちには行く予定はないぜ！
ビールでも飲んでのんびり待っててよ。

俺もこの先の人生。キツイこともいっぱいあるだろうけど
笑って話せるように頑張るわ。うん。

んじゃ、ありがと。

またね。

ZAX

まだお前が逝ってしまったなんて信じられない。
でも本当なんだね。
寂しくてたまらないよ。

あっちでもあの綺麗な歌声を目一杯響かせて、美味しいお酒飲んで待っててな。
お前の後ろでドラムを叩けて幸せでした。
俺たちのスーパーボーカリストK。
愛してるよ。

To All

Sad News

Kei Goto (as known as K) who is a vocalist of Pay money To my Pain has passed away early December 30th, 2012 due to acute heart failure in his home in Yokohama. He has been loved by so many people since the band’s debut as we all know.
He was only 31 years old, and it was too soon to leave us.
The funeral service is held only in close relatives with the intention of the bereaved.

With poor physical condition due to a mental disease, there were a few times when K suffered very much.
In June, he was hospitalized and there was a time that he could not perform as he intended to do so. After a long fight, he got his potential back. In summer of 2012, PTP performed with their full power, and their own event HOUSE OF CHAOS was a astonishing live show. However, in October, K was hospitalized again, and the band declared an activity stop. K was facing the disease and going on a rehab. We are planning to meet up this year and just about to talk about what we can do this year with the band.

We are all confused and deeply grieved.



K had the strength and delicacy at the same time. Clumsy and people are confused by him,
but he was a man who can think about others a lot, and was a beloved man.

We deeply hope that he is in heaven now and hanging out with the friends up there drinking.

Thank you for supporting K.
We will held a time for you fans soon.

As for now, we are planning to release a brand new album with some songs that K has recorded before his death.

At the end, we apologize that we could not inform you sooner. A judicial autopsy took time due to the holiday season.

January 10th, 2013
PTP, STAFF

PABLO

Beloved K

This is the second time I write you.
It was a white road like this letter, and could not see what’s ahead of us. We have to search for the next little step each by each.

We lived like a family under the name of PTP.
We learned and taught each other. We learned many thing from many places.
We hated each other some times and fought many times, but if someone was crying, we hugged that person and stand for each other.
When we are happy, we drunk a lot, you know?

I AM SAD, MAN.

You sang for me something that does not make sense a lot when I played improve at a rehearsal and live. There were times that goes well, and some times don’t, but I recall that I was so relieved and felt warm when a great song comes out from us like my pray has reached you.
There were so many people around you after the gig every time. You were listening to every single word that many people tell you. I sometimes felt that you are far away, but I was so pleased and proud of you to play my guitar with your words.

I could grow a lot because of your strange power of the lyrics that you write, strong mind, and your kind eyes.

Thank you, from my heart.

But again, this is so crazy that I could only tell you my feelings this way.

I am looking back the times that “I cannot even remember”, there were soooo many things that I can hold in my arms.
There will be two different roads for you an me from now on.
I will go on with my journey, and K will travel K’s.

I will play my guitar the fullest at the place I belong., so if you hear a sound of my guitar, sing along, OK? I will do my best to let you hear my guitar.

Well, this is it, eh?

SAYONARA, the best vocalist, K.

T$UYO$HI

K. You were a member of the band, and a special friend for me.

Do you remember the time we had a trip to LA for the first time?
We lived in a motel, and buy some beer. Our heart were beating hard just to do that, eh?
I wanted to be in a band with K so bad, I planned a trip with you first. I guest it was a success!

We recorded outside Japan, we played at SUMMER SONIC, and we played with so many cool bands. So many PTP BABIES came to see us do the gigs.
We have granted various dreams.

Come to think of it, I think I took so many pictures with you, K..
I think I have pictures of us together the most in my entire life photo collections .

I wanted to make more sounds together, and
See many scenery.
I wanted to have some BBQ with your family.
It was one of your dreams to have a family...



When I was deeply depressed,
It was K who helped me out.
I was really glad. Thank you.

You had a tendency to do things at your own pace,
And people around you were always worried,
But hey, you are like that till the end…

“FOUR as ONE”
you always say that.
I loved the spirit of that.

Well, but you know, I have no intention to go up there yet!
Wait up for me there drinking, OK?

I guess there will be many difficult times, but I will try to do my best to
tell you with laughter.

Well, thank you.

See ya.

ZAX

I cannot believe that you are not here anymore.
But it’s the truth, eh?
I am filled with sadness.

Wait for me there singing your beautiful song and drink tasty beer.
I was so happy that I can play drums behind you.

Our SUPER VOCALIST, K
Love ya.