Twenty-Five, such a mouthful.
Back to my yearly review on what I’ve grown into from the past years,
Not an easy age and year in general,
In this year I’ve finally come out from my safe-zone to explore a city life.
I’ve come to terms with myself it’s pointless to stay scared of living life, with blackmails from an abusive ex, I’ve stayed away from modelling, pageants, social medias, and life in general - too afraid that I would be found, ( 3 stitches on your head, bended fingers and multiple bruises and many mental abuses later)
So in 2019, I’ve embraced my past,
My past where I’ve been constantly sexually harassed since young, I’ve been forced into sex, I’ve been used as if I’m just another object, and lastly being stuck in an abusive relationship where I was cut off from friends, family and no one to call help from.
With all those past, I’ve embraced that depression is part of me, anxiety is part of me, constantly pushing people away is just my defensive mechanism to survive, having trust issues is also just how I’d feel that I’m in control of life.
I’ve slowly come into terms that life doesn’t have to be like that, so I’ve taken a big leap this year, changing the way I live.
Moved to a big city,
Allowing myself to adapt,
To learn,
To grow,
And learn to find happiness in the smallest things,
And understanding it’s okay to fall into depression once in awhile.
I’ve lost my dad a few months back and the news has not only crushed me but it dragged me into depression as the only person that knew me inside out is gone and I’m left here alone, being the only weirdo without him being my weirdo 2.0.
In this year, I’ve found myself and lost myself again only to learn how to get myself up and smiling again.
Being stamped 25,
It might not be a big number but the years has certainly found it’s way to break me and allow me to find ways to patch myself up.
I’m just a bit stronger this year,
I’ve found a job that I’ve learnt to love,
I’ve come to terms to my own mental health and things has been great.
#birthday #twentyfive
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