關於 long time no see笑話 ，我們在網路上蒐集到這些相關的討論、資訊與評價

翻聽Bob Dylan的《Desolation Row》湧起一股莫名的觸動，感覺就像走過了一條漫長的荒涼之路。頭兩句不知怎的讓我想到最近的香港：

They’re selling postcards of the hanging
They’re painting the passports brown

他們販售吊刑的名信片
他們把護照髹成啡色

然後我便分外留神聽接下來發生甚麼事：

The beauty parlor is filled with sailors
The circus is in town
Here comes the blind commissioner
They’ve got him in a trance
One hand is tied to the tight-rope walker
The other is in his pants
And the riot squad they’re restless
They need somewhere to go
As Lady and I look out tonight
From Desolation Row

美髮店擠滿了水手
馬戲團就在城後
然後來了一個特首
他們將他發入吽竇
一隻手綁住走鋼線高手
另一隻插在褲袋裡頭
還有防暴警察全在煩躁無休
他們需要某個地方抖抖
像這位小姐和我遍夜尋求
由荒涼之路口

然後找到哪裡去？似乎是酒館。

Cinderella, she seems so easy
“It takes one to know one,” she smiles
And puts her hands in her back pockets
Bette Davis style
And in comes Romeo, he’s moaning
“You Belong to Me I Believe”
And someone says, “You’re in the wrong place my friend
You better leave”
And the only sound that’s left
After the ambulances go
Is Cinderella sweeping up
On Desolation Row

灰姑娘，她似乎幾開放
「講嗰個就係嗰個。」佢笑咗
然後將雙手插進後袋
貝蒂戴維斯的風格
然後來了個羅密歐，佢喺度呻吟
「你係屬於我㗎我相信！」
然後有人話：「你來錯地方喇朋友，
你最好離開。」
然後唯一留低的聲音
在救護車走了之後
是灰姑娘的掃地聲
在荒涼之道上

我很喜歡這一種講故事的歌，因為這才叫做「吟遊」。當現在的歌失去了這種吟遊性，就空餘下一堆感質。我們已經不再用灰姑娘來形容負責打掃地方的女人，我喜歡這樣的形容，但設定跟原著是反轉的：掃完地，一到十二點，她就準時穿回自己的玻璃鞋。

然後已經好夜好夜了：

Now the moon is almost hidden
The stars are beginning to hide
The fortune-telling lady
Has even taken all her things inside
All except for Cain and Abel
And the hunchback of Notre Dame
Everybody is making love
Or else expecting rain
And the Good Samaritan, he’s dressing
He’s getting ready for the show
He’s going to the carnival tonight
On Desolation Row

現在月亮就快都看不見
繁星也開始隱淡
占卜未來的女人
甚已將她的所有東西收起
所有除了該隱和亞伯
以及聖母院的鐘樓佗俠
人人都在做愛
或其餘的在等雨
然後有個好撒馬利亞人，他在換裝
他已經準備好出騷
今晚他將會前往嘉年華
在荒涼之道上

突然輪到《哈姆雷特》的女主角奧菲利亞登場：

Now Ophelia, she’s ’neath the window
For her I feel so afraid
On her twenty-second birthday
She already is an old maid
To her, death is quite romantic
She wears an iron vest
Her profession’s her religion
Her sin is her lifelessness
And though her eyes are fixed upon
Noah’s great rainbow
She spends her time peeking
Into Desolation Row

現在奧菲利亞，她就倚在窗旁
我真為她擔心
在她廿二歲生日時
她已經是一個老女僕
對她，死亡是幾浪漫
她穿了一件鐵的背心
信仰就是她的自白
白活就是她的罪名
雖然她已定睛望着上方
那道挪亞的偉大彩虹
但她仍是費上時間來偷望
那條荒涼之路

而你有沒有聽過愛恩斯坦拉小提琴？這一個卻不是那一個，因為他太潦倒了：

Einstein, disguised as Robin Hood
With his memories in a trunk
Passed this way an hour ago
With his friend, a jealous monk
He looked so immaculately frightful
As he bummed a cigarette
Then he went off sniffing drainpipes
And reciting the alphabet
Now you would not think to look at him
But he was famous long ago
For playing the electric violin
On Desolation Row

愛恩斯坦扮成羅賓漢
帶着他車尾廂的回憶
在一小時前才經過這裡
和他的朋友、來自善妒寺的僧侶
他看起來不染得可怕
尤其在他討煙的時候
接着他走去嗅着水喉
叨唸着字母
現在你不會想望到他
但好耐之前他都風光過
奏着電子提琴
在那荒涼之路

從荒涼到荒淫？

Dr. Filth, he keeps his world
Inside of a leather cup
But all his sexless patients
They’re trying to blow it up
Now his nurse, some local loser
She’s in charge of the cyanide hole
And she also keeps the cards that read
“Have Mercy on His Soul”
They all play on pennywhistles
You can hear them blow
If you lean your head out far enough
From Desolation Row

猥褻醫生，他將他的世界
藏在一隻皮杯裡
但他所有無性的病人
他們正嘗試吹起它
現在他的護士，某個本地的失敗者
她是山埃孔的話事人
而她亦藏了一張卡片寫着
「願主垂憐他的靈魂」
他們全都玩着尖哨
你可以聽到他們在吹
如果你把頭傾得夠遠
從荒涼之道

卡薩諾瓦是意大利聞名的詩人情聖，這一段特別令我着迷：

Across the street they’ve nailed the curtains
They’re getting ready for the feast
The Phantom of the Opera
A perfect image of a priest
They’re spoonfeeding Casanova
To get him to feel more assured
Then they’ll kill him with self-confidence
After poisoning him with words
And the Phantom’s shouting to skinny girls
“Get Outa Here If You Don’t Know
Casanova is just being punished for going
To Desolation Row”

對面街他們已釘上帷幕
他們已準備好一場盛宴
《歌聲魅影》
牧師的完美形象
他們用湯匙向卡薩諾瓦灌藥
讓他稍為有安全感
然後他們用自信來殺掉他
之前用文字毒害他
然後魅影向瘦削的女孩們喊道：
「如果你不知道就請你們離開
卡薩諾瓦已經受罪因他
前往荒涼之道。」

接下來這一段，我懷疑是在描寫納粹的集中營：

Now at midnight all the agents
And the superhuman crew
Come out and round up everyone
That knows more than they do
Then they bring them to the factory
Where the heart-attack machine
Is strapped across their shoulders
And then the kerosene
Is brought down from the castles
By insurance men who go
Check to see that nobody is escaping
To Desolation Row

現在午夜所有特工
和超人類團隊
出來圍住了所有人
因為知道了不該知道的
然後把他們帶到工廠
那裡有心臟病機器
綁在他們的肩膊上
然之後那煤油
從城堡裡帶下來
有人會以防萬一
檢查一下看看是否無人能逃
逃往荒涼之路

Bob Dylan這首歌可能戲仿了英國詩人ES艾略特的長詩《荒原》，這首詩的一大特色是沒有人能看懂一個字——每個字都懂，湊起來卻不成意思。之前跟大家介紹過的艾茲拉龐德，勉強把《荒原》翻改成可讀的版本，加了很多註腳，務求令世人讀得通它的真意。這個情節，Bob Dylan也收錄在《Desolation Row》第九節裡面：

Praise be to Nero’s Neptune
The Titanic sails at dawn
And everybody’s shouting
“Which Side Are You On?”
And Ezra Pound and T. S. Eliot
Fighting in the captain’s tower
While calypso singers laugh at them
And fishermen hold flowers
Between the windows of the sea
Where lovely mermaids flow
And nobody has to think too much
About Desolation Row

讚美歸於尼祿的海王星
鐵達尼啟程於黎明
而每個人都發出喊聲
「你到底站哪一邊？」
而艾茲拉龐和ES艾略
在船長的塔上決鬥
卡利索普歌手取笑他們
漁民手執鮮花
在大海的窗戶之間
那裡有可愛的美人魚流過
此際沒有人想太多
關於那荒涼之路

是的，Bob Dylan是在模仿ES艾略特式的混亂，而在最後一節揭曉了混亂的原因：

Yes, I received your letter yesterday
(About the time the doorknob broke)
When you asked how I was doing
Was that some kind of joke?
All these people that you mention
Yes, I know them, they’re quite lame
I had to rearrange their faces
And give them all another name
Right now I can’t read too good
Don’t send me no more letters, no
Not unless you mail them
From Desolation Row

係呀，我尋日收到你嘅信
（大概在門鎖壞了的時候）
你問我最近過成怎樣
是一個需要笑的笑話嗎？
全部這些你所提及的人
係呀，我知道佢哋，佢哋都幾無趣
我需要重新構建他們的臉容
給他們全都搞混了名字
此際我已經不太擅於閱讀
不要再寄更多的信給我了，不要
除非它們是你寄自
於荒涼之路

聽過這麼多段，就像走完了一段漫長的荒涼的路，有一種想哭的感覺。Bob Dylan的音樂經常都給予的這種荒涼感，只有經歷很多的人才會有這種感覺，寫得出這種詞，流下了這滴淚。

作者

<脫口秀小訣竅中英翻譯-靈感篇>

文長注意!

之前小歐在脫口秀社團po了外國佛心大神脫口秀演員Gary Gulman，在twitter上連載的366個脫口秀小訣竅。

小妹就認領了靈感篇來翻譯。以下為22個小訣竅的中英文對照，若有翻的不盡理想的地方，請留言詳述，我會再看怎麼修改。原文和網誌版會放在留言處，方便大家查看。

---
Ideas
靈感

Tip No. 41: You know those quirky little things you do and think? Collect them in a file or on paper. Even if you’re a storyteller, you can use these as details to add depth and distinction to your jokes.
你了解自己做或想的古怪小事嗎? 把他們記錄在紙上或檔案夾裡。即使你是講故事的人，也可以將這些內容作為細節，以增加笑話的深度和特色。

GARY'S FAVORITES
Gary(原作者)的最愛
Tip No. 45: Don’t Hoard Jokes
Don’t worry about “burning” material on a special or album. Hoarding jokes may signal to your brain that you’re out of ideas. “You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have.” — Maya Angelou.
不要囤積笑話。不要怕在演出或專場用光自己累積的材料。囤積笑話會對你的大腦發出信號，暗示你已經沒有想法。如同Maya Angelou所說:”你無法耗盡創意。 你使用的越多，你擁有的就越多。”

Gary’s thoughts on Tip No. 45: This attitude has been crucial to an unprecedented streak of creativity over the last two years. I’ve written four hours of material, which is almost as much as I wrote in my first 23 years of comedy. Most important has been my health, this idea may be second.
Gary對此建議的想法: 在過去兩年中，這種態度對我的前所未有的創造力，有著至關重要的影響。我已經寫了四個小時的素材，這幾乎與我前23年的喜劇寫作一樣多。最重要的是我的健康，這個想法則排名第二位。

Tip No. 62: Look for inspiration everywhere. Paintings, music, poetry, rap, novels, nonfiction, short stories, theater, philosophy, etc. can all provide a spark for creativity. Cross-pollinate your work with broad influences and watch your creativity grow.
在各處尋找靈感。繪畫、音樂、詩歌、饒舌、小說、非小說、短篇故事、戲劇、哲學..等，都可以為創造力提供火花。以廣泛的影響力對你的工作進行異花授粉(原文:cross pollination，藉由風或昆蟲從別的花獲得繁衍的花粉)，並觀察你的創造力增長。

Tip No. 63: Write it all down while the coffee is still telling you you’re mighty. Reread after you’ve turned back into Dr. Banner (yes he’s a genius, but not as self-confident in that condition). That buzz is so valuable but needs editing.
在咖啡發揮效果告訴你”你超棒”的時期，把所有想法寫下來。當你回復成原本的自我 (原文: Dr. Banner，也就是尚未變身成綠巨人浩克的班納博士，是個缺乏自信的天才)時，重讀一次剛才的寫作。思緒激昂(原文:buzz，也有微醺、很鏘的意思)很珍貴，但需要編輯。

GARY'S FAVORITES
Gary(原作者)的最愛
Tip No. 90: After a Good Set, Brainstorm
You just had a great set. Instead of celebrating, use that hour or so after when the synapses are still firing and your confidence is soaring to voice record or write down the ideas that pop up during that especially fertile creative time.
如果你剛完成一場精采的表演，不用太早慶祝，要在大腦突觸仍在觸發、信心爆發、靈感特別豐腴的創作時間裡，把突然出現的想法錄音或寫下，再多花一個小時左右的時間繼續創作吧。

Gary’s thoughts on Tip No. 90: Huge help in making jokes that work longer and coming up with tangents and inspired ideas.
Gary對此建議的想法: 這建議在創作笑話的過程中提供巨大幫助，並提供變化和啟發性的想法。

Tip No. 92: Notice where you do your best thinking. The shower? Running? Listening to music? Not listening to music? Driving? Walking? Make sure to put yourself in the places where you’re doing your best thinking as frequently as possible.
你有注意過你在哪個’場景最能好好思考嗎。沐浴時？跑步時？聽音樂時？不聽音樂時？開車時?走路時？請盡量把自己放在最適合思考的場域。

Tip No. 132: I think you can limit frustration and discouragement by writing just a page on a new premise before trying it out onstage. See if there’s anything there before you spend a day on a new joke. But if you’re truly excited by the new idea, keep going!
我認為你可以在上台試笑話之前，先寫一頁的新前提，這可以限制你的挫敗感和沮喪感。在你花一整天開發新笑話之前，先研究前提是否可挖掘。但是，如果你真心對這個新點子感到興奮，那就放手去做吧!

Tip No. 143: Listen to strangers’ conversations. (I tell myself it’s not impolite if they’re being super-loud.) I got “How Dottie is that?” when a supercilious woman named Jodi bragged “How Jodi is that?” “So Jodi,” her friend replied.
偷聽陌生人的對談(我都告訴自己偷聽並不是沒禮貌的行徑，是他們講話太大聲了)。我有一次聽到一個名叫Jodi的膚淺女人吹噓"How Jodi is that?"，她朋友回覆:"So Jodi"，我因此想出了我的 “How Dottie is that?” 笑話。

Tip No. 157: Need new joke ideas? Be sensitive. If you’re uncomfortable with that word, use “irritable” (or grow up). A lot of good comedy comes from reaction to injustice or discomfort large and small, which requires being hypersensitive to those feelings.
需要新的笑話創意嗎？保持敏感。如果你對這個詞不滿意，請使用“煩躁”(或成長)。 許多優秀喜劇源自於對不平等或不適的大大小小的反應，產生這些感覺都需要保持敏感。

Tip No. 217: “All art is autobiographical. The pearl is the oyster’s autobiography.” — Federico Fellini. Purposefully mine your personal history for your act. Your life is a wellspring. Dig deep.
Federico Fellini說過:“所有藝術都是自傳。珍珠是牡蠣的自傳。”有目的得挖掘你的個人經歷，以作為你的演出。你的生活是靈感之源。請深入挖掘。

Tip No. 241: Many of your favorite writers include the same themes/subjects/objects/interests repeatedly in their work. Don’t be afraid to return again and again to your passions and obsessions to explore and expound.
你最愛的許多作家，都會在他們的作品裡重複探討相同的主題/目標/對象/興趣。不要害怕在你的熱情和沉迷之處，一次又一次得重複探索和闡述。

Tip No. 285: Explore unusual angles in a joke. Example: Examine things from the POV of a child or an Expert. My man Jimmy P and I still laugh over his “Martian response to high school football practice: Why are the hard-heads (players) taking orders from the small soft-heads (coach)?”
在笑話中探索不尋常的觀點。例如：從孩子或專家的視角觀看事物。我和我的兄弟Jimmy P仍會為他的笑話大笑:“火星人對高中足球訓練的反應：為什麼硬頭(球員)會從小型軟頭(教練)那裡得到命令？”

Tip No. 297: One of the miracles of comedy is that you can get redemption for suffering, small and large, by making something funny with it. When you are ready, try to write something funny about your mistakes, setbacks, or even tragedies.
喜劇的奇蹟之一是，藉由使事情變得有趣，你可以從大大小小的苦難中得到救贖。 當你準備就緒時，請嘗試寫一些有關你的錯誤、挫折甚至悲劇的有趣訊息。

Tip No. 298: Skim your life for the unusual events and activities that you can’t believe you were a part of or that people can’t believe you were a part of. Then write about it! Back row No. 93 MULLET:
No. 93後衛MULLET: “瀏覽你一生經歷過的、你或別人不敢相信你參與其中的奇特事件和活動。然後把它寫下來吧!“

Tip No. 310: When it comes to solving the puzzles that are our jokes, draw on every area of knowledge, expertise, and talent. It’s so gratifying to use a fact, a lesson, or a memory from elementary school, high school, or elsewhere to fill in the joke.
在解決我們玩笑的難關時，請利用各個領域的常識、專業知識和才能。用小學、高中或其他地方的事實、課業或回憶來充實笑話，會非常令人滿足。

Tip No. 311: Some of your best ideas will come to you in the shower. There’s science behind why it happens. Get a shower notepad if you have trouble remembering your ideas. Don’t listen to music. Listen to your thoughts. Ruminate on tonight’s set or a new joke.
洗澡時，你可能想到一些最好的點子。這現象的發生原因有科學依據。如果你難以記住自己的想法，請準備淋浴記事本。不要聽音樂。聽你的想法。用今晚的場景或一個新的笑話來反思。

Tip No. 313: Try teaching or informing the audience about something through some of your jokes. We love to learn while being entertained and vice versa. You have knowledge? Put it in your act! Just make sure it’s funny.
試試看通過講笑話來教導或告知聽眾新知識吧。我們喜歡在娛樂的同時學習，反之亦然。你有新知識嗎？把它放在你的演出！只要確保它很有趣就行。

Tip No. 327: Going home for Thanksgiving? Take copious notes! Your family is unique. Being reminded of the dynamics and adding new memories will be great resources for your act. “Family isn’t a word. It’s a sentence.”
逢年過節你會回家和家人團聚嗎？做大量筆記！你的家人是獨一無二的。記住動態場景並添加新的記憶，這會是你表演的寶貴資源。“家庭不是一個詞。 而是一個句子。”

Tip No. 331: There are great stories from our lives that we’re not able to translate into stand-up. Don’t throw them out. Collect those stories in a file for radio and TV and other interview situations.
我們生活中有許多很棒的故事，但我們無法將其轉化為脫口秀。可是不要把它們丟掉。要將這些故事收集在資料夾裡，以後在進行廣播和電視或採訪時可能用的到。

Tip No. 340: Volunteer! Especially if you don’t have a day job. There are so many opportunities to help. You will do good and have something new to write about. In NYC we have New York Cares. One year we decorated an elementary school for Halloween.
如果你沒有正職工作，當志工吧！你會有很多機會能幫助別人。你會做得很好，並有新的事情能寫。在紐約，我們設有紐約關懷中心。今年我們為萬聖節裝飾了一所小學。

Tip No. 358: I have recently started audio recording all notes sessions (for projects), and next time I pitch jokes with a friend I will record that too. It’s very helpful. You will be surprised at what you forgot when you listen back. Ask permission first.
我最近開始錄製所有筆記會話(用於專案)的錄音檔，並且下次我與朋友開玩笑時，我也會錄音。這非常有幫助。當你回聽時，你會驚訝於你忘記了什麼。但錄音前請先徵得許可。

Tip No. 360: Spending holidays with kids? Pay attention to them. Listen to them. Take note and embrace their curiosity and enthusiasm within your writing. (Also avoid the “kids these days” writing. It’s lazy.) Merry Christmas from your second favorite long-haired Jew.
和孩子一起度假嗎？注意觀察他們。聽他們說話。寫下你觀察到的東西並注意，並在寫作中懷抱孩子們的好奇心和熱情。(不要流水帳的寫“現在的小屁孩都如何如何”。這很懶。)你第二喜歡的長髮猶太叔叔在此祝你聖誕快樂(註，原作Gary是猶太人)。

【天青色等煙雨，而我在等你】(English writing below)

我看著客人眼淚
滴滴答答的打在桌面上
筆記本
濕了
本子上的字
糊了

她的心酸
猶如洪泉遇到崩裂的堤壩
一波一浪的破牆而出

一個被愛情辜負的女子
看了真是心疼

我不由自覺的
想到了自己

你懂我的
像我這樣剛烈的女子
爲了愛情
我絕不退縮
祇是一個勇字
又豈能成事呢

童年
過得心驚膽顫
家裡常吵得
雞犬不寧

爸爸沒想要
把我生下
媽媽常說
要把我趕出去

我很努力讀書
我很努力做個乖孩子
我覺得我做得很好
人小小本事很大
但這些終究無法
讓我在美滿的家庭長大

多少個夜晚裡
我被媽媽打得
想奪門而出
永不再見
可是想到誰來照顧她
我又忍下來

我很恨
為何我命運不如人

第一次談戀愛時
我是多麼多麼的雀躍
內心裡的煙花
不斷地爆開
我終於等到了
不再是
沒人要的孩子了

我終於
值得有人愛了

初戀的絢麗
卻也如七彩美麗的煙花
一聲巨響後
就消失在漆黑的夜裡

他常常在我面前
提到他如何深愛著
他中學時的校花
她是如此的美好

有一次
這校花來我們的學校
他得知後
破課室的門而出
沒見到她
他哭了一整個星期

心中的不安
讓我常常與他吵架
三年零八個月裡
我不是一個好女友
服滿兵役後
他喜歡上大學迎新會
的一位混血兒

後來
我和一位校友打了幾次桌球
某夜
他在ICQ向我索吻
對他的印象
就一落千丈了
（你以為老娘在賤賣嗎？）
不久一位朋友告訴我
他約會的對象
不只我一個

我有一位
很好很好的朋友
我在新加坡時
他常陪我
深夜打桌球到清晨
聊佛法聊人生
一起上佛學班
一起學國標舞
從未有一個人
如此瞭解我的心
如此照顧著我

但無所不談的當兒
他也不斷告訴
這麼多年來
他如何愛念著
一個女孩
對她始終無法忘懷

我又輸給
活在記憶中的人了

我這一份單戀
長達兩年
很磨人很磨人很磨人
差一點走不出來

第二次談戀愛
他常在我面前提起
一個他追了半年追不到的女孩
他說
有一天一定要去問她
為什麼不選擇他

在家裡的毒打
並沒有隨著我成人
而停止

後來拜師學藝
卻因爲品德不良
被師父一句
「你不是我要找的人。」
斷然吃了閉門羹

那天我哭得痛徹心扉
覺得自己
好像是
個沒人要的孩子

方文山因爲
八百年前
宋徽宗皇帝御批的這句
「雨過天青雲破處」
而在周傑倫《青花瓷》裡
寫了『天青色等煙雨，而我在等你』

他說
愛情里最無力的無奈
就是「等待」
天青色得等待
不知何時會降的雨
雨停
積雲散去
朗朗晴空中
天青色才能顯現
如同我
只能被动而安静的
等待着
不知何时才会出现的妳。

慢慢的
我開始認為
我這輩子等不到了
月老應該沒幫我
綁上紅線

學佛多年後
忽然恍然大悟
一個道理
没有东西是必须拥有的
沒有它
也不代表自己的不足

愛情
是一個填不滿的慾望
所以愛情劇長紅

在2015年2月21日年初三，根本上師蓮生活佛在台灣中天綜合電視台的訪談中說：https://youtu.be/EPDxwSt6a5I （時間12:08）

「師尊本身的愛是這樣的。我既然愛她，就是要她幸福，不是要佔有她，這種愛不是佔有，其實愛不是佔有。如果愛是佔有的話，那就是屬於慾望。如果愛不是佔有，我是祝福她，雖然我愛她，她不愛我，她愛別人，我就祝福她。如果愛別人會比較幸福，我就祝福她。這種愛就不是佔有的愛。如果是佔有的愛，一定會產生痛苦。」

原來我真正在等的
是自己
自己的智慧開了
心變闊達時
才不會讓他人決定
自己幾時可以幸福
可以幸福多久
命運在我手中
怎麼走本來就是我說了算

我輕輕的拿起桌上的紙巾，遞給女客人。她一把鼻涕，一把眼淚的向我道謝。

借了師父慣用的笑話，我柔聲細語的說：「別哭，新加坡缺水，要哭要到蓄水池哭，這樣我們可以少看馬來西亞的臉色做人。」

她破涕而笑。

我再說：「我看了妳的八字，現在又看到妳真人，勸你跟我講話老實一點，要不然我幫不到妳。妳明明一直做人家的小三，還敢跟我哭沒有男人要和妳結婚？妳不也偷偷拿了他不少錢嗎？我看妳明明就是一張愛錢的臉。」

奉勸各位大俠，在我面前，若要用眼淚爲武器，請三思，因爲虛偽的，我必定拆你面具。

..........................

I looked at the teardrops of my client, pitter patter onto the table top. My client's notebook got wet. The words got muddled.

All the pains in her heart were like the angry river crushing through a broken dam, tearing down the walls as the tears flowed.

To see a lady being let down by love was indeed heart-breaking.

I couldn't help but thought of myself.

You know me. An unyielding character like mine will not shrink like a coward in the name of love. Alas, there are things in life that can't be accomplished solely with courage.

My childhood was filled with a lot of fear. There were often quarrels at home.

My dad didn't want me to be born. My mum often said she wanted to chase me out of the house.

I studied very hard. I did my utmost to be an obedient kid, and I thought I did very well as young child but I was already very capable. However, all these were not enough for me to grow up in a complete family.

So many nights, I got beaten up so badly by my mum that I wanted to just break out of the door and never to see her again. But the mere thought of nobody looking after her pulled me back.

I hated so much. Why wasn't my destiny comparable to other people?

When I first fell in love, I was so elated. The fireworks in my heart exploded non-stop. I finally found someone. I was no longer that child which nobody wanted. I was finally worthy of someone's love.

The splendour of first love, however, was as temporal as the rainbow-coloured fireworks. After a loud explosion, it vanished into the darkness of night.

He would often tell me in my face, how much he pined for and loved his secondary school crush, apparently the prettiest and most perfect girl in school.

Once, this campus belle came to our school. When he got wind of the news, he dashed out of the classroom. Failing to see her, he cried for one whole week.

My insecurity caused me to quarrel with him often. In those 3 years and 8 months, I wasn't a great girlfriend. After his NS, he got together with a girl of mixed blood at his university's Orientation camp.

I played pool with a uni mate a few times. One night over ICQ, he teased me for a kiss. My impression of him dropped like hot cakes. Did I look like I was lelong-ing myself? Later, a girl pal told me that he was dating several girls at the same time.

I had a very good friend. Whenever I was in Singapore, he would accompany me to play pool till wee hours. We talked about Dharma, life, and we attended Buddhism and ballroom dancing classes together. I had never met a person who understood me and took care of me so well.

But among our endless conversations of everything and anything, he always told me how he still loved a girl from his school. He couldn't forget her.

Again, I lost to someone who lived in the memory of the guy I liked.

This one-sided love of mine burned for two years. It was very, very, very excruciating. I almost didn't make it out alive.

In my second relationship, the boyfriend would always tell me about a pretty girl whom he pursued for half a year, but failed to win her heart. He told me firmly that if he had the chance, he wanted to ask her why she did not choose him.

The abusive beating at home did not stop even after I grew up.

Later on, when I wanted to become Shifu's disciple, he turned me down flat because he didn't think I had good morals and values. He was blunt, "You are not the person I am looking for."

That night, I cried painfully hard. Suddenly, I felt like I was the kid from my childhood whom nobody wanted.

800 years ago, Emperor Huizong of Song Dynasty wrote in an imperial decree "雨過天青雲破處". It was this that inspired Vincent Fang (方文山) to write the lyrics 『天青色等煙雨，而我在等你』in Jay Chou's song 青花瓷 (Blue and white porcelain).

Vincent Fang said, the most powerless kind of helplessness in love was waiting.

The sky green colour had to wait for the rain, which it had no idea when it would arrive. After the rain stopped, the thick clouds dissipated, in the clear skies, the sky green colour would then be able to appear. This was just like how he could only passively and quietly wait, for his lady whom he had no idea when she would appear.

Gradually, I started thinking that in this lifetime, I would not be able to wait for that person to appear. Perhaps Yue Lao (the elderly celestial under the moon) did not tie the red string on me.

After many years of learning the Dharma, one day, I suddenly came to the realisation that nothing is a must to own.

Secular love is a black hole of desires. That is why romantic shows are evergreen.

On 21 February 2015, the 3rd day of the Lunar New Year, my Root Guru Living Buddha Lian-Sheng spoke in an interview with the Taiwan CTI Television Inc.: https://youtu.be/EPDxwSt6a5I （timestamp 12:08）

"My personal take on love is this. Since I love her, I will want her to be blissful, and not to possess her. Such love isn't possession. Actually love isn't possession. If love is possession, that belongs to desire. If love isn't desire, I will wish her well. Although I love her, she doesn't love me, but loves another person, so I will give her my best wishes. If loving another person brings her more happiness, I will wish her well. Such love isn't possessive love. If it is possessive love, there will surely be pain."

Then I realised, the one that I had been waiting all along for is myself. Waiting for my wisdom to develop, waiting for my heart to be more open, so that I would not place my happiness in the hands of another person, and let the person decide for me when I should be happy, for how long I can stay happy...

My destiny is in my hands. How it pans out is up to me to say.

I gently picked up a serviette from the table and passed it to my lady client. In a mush of mucus and tears, she thanked me.

Borrowing an old joke from Shifu, I gently told her, "Don't cry. Singapore lacks water. If you want to cry, you should cry at a nearby reservoir. This way, we don't have to see the colours of Malaysia in order to get more water."

She broke into a smile among her tears.

I continued, "After looking at your Bazi, and now that I have seen you in person, I advise you to be more honest with me, or else I will not be able to help you. You have all along been a mistress to other men, and you dare to come crying to me that no man wanted to marry you? Didn't you also stole some money from them? The way I see you, you obviously have a money grubber face."

My advice to all swordsmen: If you wish to use your tears as a weapon in front of me, think thrice. Because if you are a hypocrite, I will definitely rip your mask apart.

LONG TIME NO SEE
💐奉上精悍的花絮BABY！
用行動證明牛團隊 還在呼吸))ㄏㄏ

姑丈的胸 比北美大平原還要遼闊
姑丈的溝 比馬里亞納海溝還要深
姑丈的臉 比大犬座天狼星還耀眼
將2021.08.21姑丈呼吸的英姿 和大家共享之

Photo / 金曲獎GMA 臉書
頒獎完整片段：https://youtu.be/k_1r5cFplJg
@2021 GMA 金曲獎頒獎典禮暨國際音樂節

#羅時豐 #不務正YA
#2021 #GMA #金曲獎 #幕後花絮

-------------------大牛重要公告------------------------
記得【每週五，晚上21：00首播】準時更新！！
「按讚👍訂閱🔨分享給親朋好友～」讚！！！
記得開小鈴鐺🔔，哞～～

-------------------各平台資訊------------------------
【DL.不務正YA】頻道 ►https://reurl.cc/q8jrlq
【DL.不務正YA】FB粉絲團 ►https://www.facebook.com/dllivevil/
【羅時豐牛棚】FB粉絲團 ►https://reurl.cc/pDEd6b
【Instagram】 ►https://reurl.cc/D11Mg6

-------------------合作請洽------------------------
E-mail : livevil2019@gmail.com