When I lost my beloved Mamajee @adamdidam last year, my heart was shattered. I was lost. I was torn between my own grief and my responsibilities towards my grieving family: my mother, who had just lost her brother, my sister Fatimah, who had just lost her second father and was affected the most, my brother Ali, who was struggling to recall memories of him and his beloved uncle because he was too young to remember much, my grandparents Dadajee and Dadijee, who had just lost their youngest son, and the rest of my family @drauntie.uk @ilurvesugar who were feeling no less than us.
Amidst the storm that had hit our family, I was drowning in the pain. Then one day, out of the blue, I found myself surrounded by green. The green that soothed my pain. I found a love in gardening - a love sparked for the green which is God’s greatest gift! I don’t know what led me to nature, but I guess The Almighty had paved my path towards it.
It started out with just a box of plants that I took home from school - basil, chives, spring onion, cherry tomatoes, and cosmos - and it kind of expanded from there. I even grew my very own Vietnamese mint (Daun Kesum)! I can still remember the excitement of witnessing the very first blossom on my cherry tomatoes, then watching the flowers transform into small green fruits, and finally getting to taste the result of my effort and patience. The hope it gave me, watching every stage of its growth did something to magically comfort my grieving heart.
But my season of happiness didn’t last for too long. When summer came to an end and autumn greeted us with its cold breeze, all the plants I had put so much love and care into eventually died. On 24th October 2019, I managed to save a tiny pot of Vietnamese mint after the rest had all withered. My heart was crying, praying that this tiny plant would not give up on me. But in the end, like all living things, it died. I was feeling numb for quite a while before I realised the lesson that God was trying to teach me.
I finally understood that no matter how much love and care you have, you will always have to let go sooner or later. But, letting go is not forgetting. Letting go is not erasing our memories. Letting go is not to stop loving. Letting go is accepting. Letting go is cherishing every memory. Letting go is to keep on praying for our loved ones. Like our Mamajee, he may be gone, but he will continue to live on in our hearts through the memories we keep and the love we have...
Still loving,
Mukhtar O. Mukhlis
#theomarmukhtar
#SundayWithAdam 💛
#GriefAwareness
#TheGardenOfGrief
